The End of an Era

I feel as though I am experiencing the end of an era. I am a quite sad about this, but at the same time I am excited for what the future will bring. My baby is going to turn 1 in 3 weeks and so I will no longer have any more babies of my own that are in my house. Ever since I got pregnant with Lee I have known that he would be my last baby. It was harder for me to pick his name because there were still so many names that I loved and so many people that I wanted to name him after and I knew that I wouldn't have another chance to name my children after people that I loved and who inspired me to be better than I am.
And so he has become the end of an era. Sometimes when I watch him crawl around I get sad because I won't get to watch any more of my babies learn how to do that. Sometimes when he is trying to do new things I get sad because I won't get to experience the joy and the pride that I always feel when my babies learn how to smile, clap, play peek-a-boo, say "Mama", give high fives, shake their head no etc.
Because I have known that Lee would be my last baby I have tried to savor each and every moment that we have together. I always make time in my day to just sit down with him and play and read stories and sing songs. I feel bad because I didn't have that same opportunity with all of my children, but I know that I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't take the time to be with my baby before he grows up.
I will miss the baby talks, smells, tricks and toys. I will miss them more than you can imagine. I have a few regrets. One of my biggest regrets was that Otto and I never had the money to be able to give our babies a nursary. We never had the opportunity to paint a baby's room or pick out really cute bedding like I see my sister and sister-in-law doing. I have never been able to get matching furniture for the baby's room and I have never been able to completely set aside one whole room just for the baby. I really wish I could have. I know that in the long run it doesn't matter, but I am the kind of person who likes to do little things for others and I have always felt bad that I have never been able to do that for my own babies.
So at the end of this era I look back on my favorite moments, past regrets, joys, pains and sleepless nights. I look back with fondness and with gratitude that I have been blessed to have so many beautiful babies that I have loved. I am excited to watch them grow up. I am excited to experience their baptisms with them, their first dances, their graduations from school, their wedding days. And even though this is the end of an era for me, it is also the beginning of another new adventure. . . and I just can't wait for that ride!!