A Letter

Before you read this letter that I am just writing to an imaginary lady, I want to first let you know that I do not mean to offend anyone.  I know that different opportunities are available to different people.  I just need to vent because I am tired of getting one of "those looks".

Dear 38 year old mother of one,
  I wanted to thank you, so much, for the wonderful comment you made today about the fact that I have so many children.  I really appreciated the follow up with the eye roll and the huge sigh.  That really made me feel as though you were trying to help me.  I just wanted to let you know, that despite what you may believe, I am not crazy and I do not need help. 
  Let me ask you this;  how many times did your child poop today?  What was that?  3?  Congratulations!  You should get the award for mom of the year.  Huh?  How many times did my child poop today?  Which child?  Oh, the baby?  Ummm. . . well. . . do babies poop?  I am sure that they do, but I have no clue.  I didn't change all of his diapers today.  Who did?  Well, I am sure that my husband changed a few, and I KNOW that my 9 year old pitched in and help change one.  Yep, you heard right.  My NINE year old changed a diaper.  You think that's terrible?  Did I mention that she can do the dishes and make a simple dinner too?
  Yeah, I know that you think that my children should be taken away because they have to help out.  I know that you think that I am a terrible wife because my husband helps out with EVERYTHING.  Did you know, that if anything were to happen to me that my family could still function?  My Caroline has been able to make a caesar salad since she was 3.  It is her favorite thing to do.
  Believe me, I KNOW that children are expensive.  I have to pay for school fees x 4.  I shell out over $300/month just to have 3 of them in music lessons.  I'll bet I would surprise you though with the amount that I spend on groceries. . . . I'll bet its not much more than you do.  It just takes planning.  I KNOW that children are a lot of work.  I have 5 of them!  Every day, I get to read and sign 4 agendas.  I  get to do laundry for 7 people.  I get to cook for 7 people.  I get to make everyone help me clean up for 7 people.  What's that?  Yes, my children have to clean.  No, I am not a slave driver, but neither am I their slave.  I am the mother and that makes it my responsibility to teach my children how to be responsible for themselves.  Yes, my kitchen cupboards would be more organized if I always put away the dishes, my beds would always be made and have hospital corners in the sheets, my windows and walls would be fingerprint free, and I would never have piles of laundry in my laundry room, but I would be a basket case and miss out on so many fun times with my children if I spent all of my time cleaning up after ALL of them  ALL of the time!
  Please stop judging me because I have so many children at such a young age.  I DO know what caused it, and no, I am NOT having any more.  Why?  Because I feel as though all of my children are here.  I know that all of the outfits that my children wear are not designer outfits.  I know that at least 80% of what they wear are hand-me-downs.  I know that you see my life as crazy and hectic and you think I am insane for having this many children.  I know that you see me as irresponsible for having this many children. 
  Let me ask YOU something.  Which one should I give away???  Should I give away my Abby?  She can be bossy, but she is my rock!  She LOVES to help out whenever she can and she is generally a good kid and very easy to get along with.  Should I give away my Anne?  She can be so materialistic, but she has a heart of gold.  She is sensative and she goes out of her way to make sure that everyone is included in everything.  What's that?  Caroline???  You mean my monkey???  Nope!  Even with all of the struggles we have with her disability and her stubbornness, no one and I mean NO ONE makes me laugh more than this cheeky kid!!!  You won't get me to give up Dustin with his incredible brain and his crazy sense of curiosity.  And Lee, my baby is mine forever.  His kisses are worth more than gold to me.
  So, lady, when you see me walking down the street with my children, please don't feel sorry for me.  Don't tell me how crazy I must be to have so many children.  NONE of them were accidents.  You get excited when your child has a mildstone.  You called all your friends when your baby first smiled, laughed, cut their first tooth, sat up by themselves, crawled, walked, went to preschool, started kindergarten etc.  I get to experience that 5 times.  I get to be excited and relive each milestone 5 times.  I get to attend more school concerts, piano and cello recitals, basketball games, and church activities than you will get to.  So maybe instead of thinking "poor girl" a better thing to think would be "lucky girl".  I am not sad about the life I have CHOSEN.  I am very happy with it.  The only thing that would be the icing on the cake would be if you could not stare at me with sympathy in your eyes.
Thanks again for your advice and help,
Megan