The Baby

Lee is my baby, and he always will be.  As we were laying down yesterday, cuddling for our nap, I started to wonder what it was like in that big, thick head of his.  I started thinking about his position in our family and in life and I thought that in some aspects of life he has it great!  And in some aspects of his life, I can see how he would think  his life is hard.
Here are a few examples:

1 - Everyone goes to school except for him
ADVANTAGE:  Lee gets mommy all to himself
DISADVANTAGE:  Mommy makes Lee have a nap

2 - Lee has to have a daily nap
ADVANTAGE:  Lee and mommy read books, sing songs and cuddle
DISADVANTAGE: ummm. . . . . Lee has to have a nap

3 - Lee has 3 older sisters
ADVANTAGE:  Lee has 3 girls who dote on him and love everything he does
DISADVANTAGE:  It's like having 3 extra moms who won't let him get away with anything

4 - Lee is HUGE
ADVANTAGE:  Dustin can't pick on Lee without some severe retaliation
DISADVANTAGE:  Lee is tall enough and weighs enough to do certain things, but his not developmentally there yet

5 - Lee has 4 older siblings
ADVANTAGE:  There is almost always someone to play with
DISADVANTAGE:  Lee likes to play by himself

There are many more, but those are the things that I could think of from the top of my head.  I love having my little guy around and I am so happy that he is part of our family.  Our afternoons alone together are the favorite part of my day.  It reminds me of when I just had Abby and Anne and we would cuddle together every afternoon and listen for bunnies.   I will definitely miss having a toddler around the house when my baby grows up to be a big guy like his daddy!

Crossroads

It seems to me that every September, I come to a crossroad of sorts.  I always seem to have to make some big decisions on what I want my life to be like for the next little while in September.  This year is no different.  I am currently in the process of making some big decisions which will affect both myself and my family in the future.  It's hard.  It's scary, and I am just trying to get as much information as possible.
The neat thing that I have found with crossroads is that making the choice and finally setting your foot on one of the pathways is always rewarding.  I find that after I have made my decisions that I feel more secure and at peace.  It seems that I have the most unrest when I am at the crossroads rather than when I finally take the step of faith.
Once I make my decision, I will post more about it, but for now. . . .
. . . . well. . . .  .
I am still at the crossroads.

Maybe We're Wrong

I think that I have mentioned over the summer that this year I have been struggling with where I am in life, right now.  I seem to be unhappy with myself and that has been a huge struggle for me over the last year or so.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love my life, but I am just not happy. . . or at least I wasn't for a long time.  I have tried to get advice from many different people as to what I should do to help me feel better about myself.  I have gotten some great advice from so many people and I appreciate all of it.  The NUMBER 1 piece of advice that I have gotten is "You are so busy that you need to take a little 'ME' time to relax and regroup."
  I think this is good advice.  I think that for the most part, everyone needs to take a little "me" time and relax and regroup.  The problem is that in my quest to always have a little "me" time I have noticed that I still haven't achieved my goal of happiness that I desire. 
And then it hit me. . .
Maybe this way of thinking is wrong. 
Maybe the answer ISN'T that I need MORE "me" time. . . . maybe I need LESS "me" time.
Let me explain.
You see, this past weekend was my Grandma Lee's 80th birthday party.  I was busy. . . . okay, beyond busy.  I spent days scanning, editing, organizing, and burning pictures onto disks for my family and then creating a slide show of my Grandma Lee's life.  It was a lot of hard work. . . but I was happy to do it.
As part of the evening's events, all of the grandchildren were to write down their favorite memory of Grandma Lee.  There was one story, in particular that struck a chord in me.  One of my cousins shared with us that while having a conversation with my Grandma Lee one day that she said to them, "I never had a mid-life crisis because I was too busy."  She was!  She was constantly busy doing things for other people.
That hit me.
(Picture a heavenly choir singing Handel's Hallelujah Chorus in your mind now)
If I want to be truly happy, I need to stop worrying about trying to make myself happy, I need to focus on making other people happy and I will seek the joy and peace that I desire.
That's it!
The lightbulb has turned on and I get it now!
I finally understand!
In a world where everything is about "me" and "my instant gratification" I was looking in the wrong place for happiness.  I was becoming so absorbed in myself that I was getting consumed about how I should be feeling when in reality the answer was to serve other people instead of myself.
So, I tried it out. . . and guess what . . . it works!!!
I have been trying it out on my family first and the results are undeniable!  It turns out that I am happiest when I am doing something for them.  When I actually stop what I am doing and actually listen to what they are saying or asking me to do. 
Otto and I went and delivered bags for donations for the food bank that we will be picking up on Saturday together on Wednesday evening after the kids were in bed, and I realized as we were walking home, hand in hand, that I had finally found what I was looking for.  I have found the peace and the joy that I have been seeking. . . . and while my family and friends' advice was good, and I do believe that we should take time out for ourselves, that maybe while we are doing that we should maybe invite someone who we know is having a hard time to come along with us. . . . or maybe we should spend that quiet minute writing a note to someone we love . . . . or making meals for someone who is sick. . . . and so on.  Maybe those minutes that I have to myself can be best used to help others and then I will find the happiness and the joy that I have been seeking. . . . maybe I was wrong in my thinking before. . . maybe it isn't all about "ME".