The Baby

3 years ago I wasn't feeling well and decided to go into the hospital.  3 years ago, my doctor made a decision that has completely and forever impacted my life.  3 years ago, I almost lost one of the most important people in my life.  3 years ago, I had a miracle and my life has been better ever since.
Lee was born 3 years ago!
It was the scariest moment of my life, and finding out from the doctor that he almost died has always stayed with me.  I truly believe that Lee has a guardian angel and that he is destined for something great.
However. . . .
Until that happens, he is my baby!  I know that to look at him you wouldn't think of him as a baby, but he is.  Lee is the only one of my children who has always loved to cuddle up with me.  He is the only one who asks for a nap with me so that we can lay down, sing songs (his favorite being "When Somebody Loves You" from Toy Story of course) and read books.  Lee is very smart and lives in his own imaginary world.  Sometimes when he is off in La La Land, I will sit and just marvel on how vivid and real his little imagination is to him.  He creates the most interesting stories and interactions in his head and is perfectly happy to just sit down with a couple of toys and play.
My Lee is a gentle soul.  He will fight when provoked, but he is a sharer.  I have never had a child who actually shares this well at this age.  Lee loves his siblings, but especially Abby and watching the way the two of them interact reminds me of how I used to be with my youngest sister.
So, as I look at this incredibly HUGE toddler and watch him grow up, I can't help but think to myself. . . . "You're still my baby".

Our Walk to the Bus

Every day that the weather is good, Dustin, Lee and I walk Dustin to his bus stop which is about 2 blocks away.  We have many adventures on our way to the bus stop, and today was no different.
Today, I started off walking to the bus with Dustin and Lee.
Then, Darth Vader decided to join Dustin and I.
Soon Dustin and I were visited by Yoda as Dustin and Yoda raced to the sign.
We then had Buzz Lightyear show us the rocks that he had picked up along our route.
Slinky Dog tried to beat Dustin in another foot race to the corner.
Finally, Woody found a lava rock which he brought the rest of the way to Dustin's bus stop.
While waiting for the bus, I was attacked by two pirates who keep on saying "Arrrrr, yo ho yo ho" over and over!
The great thing about having so many characters accompany us on our walk is that they all come with their own theme music and action sounds.
I should really video tape these walks. . . . they are hilarious!!!  No two walks are ever the same!

The Baby

Lee is my baby, and he always will be.  As we were laying down yesterday, cuddling for our nap, I started to wonder what it was like in that big, thick head of his.  I started thinking about his position in our family and in life and I thought that in some aspects of life he has it great!  And in some aspects of his life, I can see how he would think  his life is hard.
Here are a few examples:

1 - Everyone goes to school except for him
ADVANTAGE:  Lee gets mommy all to himself
DISADVANTAGE:  Mommy makes Lee have a nap

2 - Lee has to have a daily nap
ADVANTAGE:  Lee and mommy read books, sing songs and cuddle
DISADVANTAGE: ummm. . . . . Lee has to have a nap

3 - Lee has 3 older sisters
ADVANTAGE:  Lee has 3 girls who dote on him and love everything he does
DISADVANTAGE:  It's like having 3 extra moms who won't let him get away with anything

4 - Lee is HUGE
ADVANTAGE:  Dustin can't pick on Lee without some severe retaliation
DISADVANTAGE:  Lee is tall enough and weighs enough to do certain things, but his not developmentally there yet

5 - Lee has 4 older siblings
ADVANTAGE:  There is almost always someone to play with
DISADVANTAGE:  Lee likes to play by himself

There are many more, but those are the things that I could think of from the top of my head.  I love having my little guy around and I am so happy that he is part of our family.  Our afternoons alone together are the favorite part of my day.  It reminds me of when I just had Abby and Anne and we would cuddle together every afternoon and listen for bunnies.   I will definitely miss having a toddler around the house when my baby grows up to be a big guy like his daddy!

To Infinity . . . . and Beyond!

Lately I have been feeling down in the dumps.  I don't really know why, but I just have felt sad all of the time.  I am not one who likes to wallow in pity, and so this has really been getting to me.  As I was doing laundry I thought to myself that I should start thinking about things that I am thankful for to help me feel better. . . . but I thought better of that. . . . I just didn't want to do it.
And then it hit me. . .
LITERALLY
A light saber slashed across my shins followed by the bluest eyes and the biggest grin I have ever seen and I knew I was in heaven.
Time is so fleeting and since I am now done having children, it has become very apparent that I won't have moments like these for much longer.  So, I sat down, ate some banana bread and watched the action unfold.
There it was. . . two Jedi knights. . . . one named Buzz Lightyear and the other, Darth Vader. . . . battling it out with a light saber and a spatula for the ruling of "Infinity and Beyond". 
There was action!
There were sound effects!
There were tongs involved at one point!
And in the end 5 or 6 different super heroes were quoted as the battle raged in my family room.
Who won?
Does it matter?
The prize?
A kiss from mommy who now sat contented with life and who wished that she could capture moments like this one to infinity and beyond.

My Manchild

When I had my youngest child Lee, I was so excited because he was so small and sweet and mellow.  Fast-forward almost two years later and he is still so sweet and mellow, but he is HUGE and his voice sounds like that of a 14 year old boy.  What happened to my baby???  Why did we skip the child phase with him and go straight into puberty???  He's not even 2 years old yet and him and his 4 year old brother can almost wear the same sized clothing!
One of the most hilarious things about Lee is that even though his voice is low, he still talks like a baby, so when he says just about anything you can't help but laugh because it sounds so hilarious!!! 
Here are some Leeisms:
1 - When you drop something, you have to say "Ah Man!"  There are NO exceptions!
2 - If the phone rings you must drop everything right that second and sprint over to the phone as though your life depended on it. . . . otherwise you will be warned that the phone is ringing and that you are taking too long to answer it.
3 - Age doesn't matter as much as size does. . . . poor Dustin!
4 - If there is a button, it MUST be pushed!
5 - Everything has a sound effect!
6 - Changing diapers is not a fun time. . . unless sound effects are involved.
7 - If the clean-up song is sung, a room must be cleaned.  If it is not being sung, you cannot clean. . . . unless there are sound effects!
8 - Dressing up is not only for girls!
9 - If you get asked to say "Excuse me" you must follow it up with a burp!  There are no exceptions!  Burps are funny and if you don't have one coming up, fake it!
10 - Why would anyone want to only eat 3 meals a day when the cereal boxes are kept on the bottom shelf?  Just grab a box, take it with you wherever you go and VOILA you have a snack with you at all times. . . . and snacks taste better with sound effects!

Yes Man

We have just gotten back from a nice little 12 day vacation. We spent a sun and sand day in Windermere, headed off to the Shuswap for some Comin Craziness followed by two days of cleaning (not as fun), then onto Fernie for some family hikes and swimming and finishing up the trip with a sleepover at my brother-in-law's place and a day in Waterton.
Fun. Exciting. Great Memories.
One of my most favorite things happened while we were on our trip. My little Lee has decided to expand his vocabulary. He can tell you what a doggy says, a kitty says and a ducky says. He constantly yells Abby's name when he needs something and he LOVES to just stand there and yell "Abby!!!!". My most favorite new thing that he does, though is he always answers "Yep" to any question that you ask him. It doesn't matter what the question is, the answer is always "yep".
This has made me think about things. I mean the boy is probably the easiest and happiest baby I have ever had (and I have had a few) and he just is so content with life. When Lee says "yep" it is always with a smile and no matter what, he always seems happy with the results. Whether he is getting a toy, a kiss or having to be strapped into his car seat, he never whines and he is just a happy little guy.
I have seen the movie "Yes Man" and I thought about my life. Would I be happier and just try more things if I was like Lee and answered "yep" to anything that was asked of me? I don't know, but it would definitely help me get past some barriers that I usually put around me. It would make me put myself out there more and it would make me try new things. That is something that I might just be willing to experience. I may not say yes to everything, but maybe I can try to be more willing to say "yes" when things are asked of me.
Thanks Lee! Who knew you could be so wise at the tender age of 17 months?

Sorry Baby!

Pretty much every afternoon, the two little boys and I go for a nice 3.8 K walk around the neighborhood. I have decided that there is no better walking partner than Dustin because we end up singing all sorts of songs, playing tons of games and generally having the most interesting conversations. I am really interested to know what he is going to be like when he is older.
Because it was such a nice day yesterday, and because I kind of felt sorry for Lee who had been stuck in the front of the stroller for a good 1/2 hour, I decided to stop at one of the various parks that we pass on our daily walks.
At this park there were some swings. So, I decided to put Lee in the swing and see what happens. Unfortunately, Lee has never been in a real swing before and so I had no idea as to whether or not he would like it. I should have known that the happiest baby that I have ever met would, of course, love it! He had a blast! Lee had the biggest smile that I have ever seen, and he threw the biggest temper tantrum when I pulled him out of the swing. I felt really bad that Lee had never had the experience of being in a real swing until now.
I guess that that's what happens when you are the youngest of 5 kids. I often feel as though he misses out on things that I have done with the other kiddies, but I do try and do lots with him. In fact, I can't wait until September because the girlies will all be in school all day and Dustin will be gone every afternoon, so it will be just me and the baby. Maybe then we will be able to do some more things together. I really don't want him to feel deprived. I guess I will just have to try harder.

Update

So, I took Lee to the hospital on Saturday night and I waited until 2 am to even see a doctor. The doctor put some special medication on Lee's burn and wrapped his hand up so that it wouldn't get infected. The entire upper half of Lee's left hand is completely covered in 2nd degree burns and they also go down his thumb and pinkie. Luckily his palm isn't very burned, so that is good. However, we do have to go back to the hospital to see a physio therapist on Monday because they are worried that when the burns heal that the scars may cover his knuckles and limit the amount of movement in his left hand.
So, for now his hand is completely bandaged up and it looks like a white baseball bat. He can't use his left hand at all because of that and it is really frustrating for Lee because he is a lefty! He is a tough kid though and is happy as pie most of the time.
So, until tomorrow, we won't know anything. We can just sit here and keep our fingers crossed!

Ouch!

One thing I love about my baby Lee is that he has the chubbiest hands. They are HUGE and sooooo cute and chubby. That was why I felt terrible yesterday when he completely scalded the entire top of his hand! It was completely my fault and the poor baby was in such pain that it broke my heart!
Last night, for dinner, I made beef dip sandwiches. I had put the "au jus" on the table and was pulling the sandwiches out of the oven when I heard Lee scream! Now, Lee NEVER screams about anything!! So, I looked up and saw all of the other kids sitting at the table looking at Lee while he was screaming his head off. It took me only a second to realize that he had grabbed a bowl of hot "au jus" and it had burned him. I still had a hot pan in my hands because it HAD to come out of the oven or else we would have nothing to eat, so I started yelling (okay and maybe swearing a bit. . . sorry Grandma!) at the kids to help their brother instead of just staring at him.
Once I got the pan out of the oven I ran over, grabbed Lee and immediately started to run his hand under water. Poor baby! He now has a couple of blisters on the top of his hand, but we have been keeping his hand all wrapped up with polysporin on it.
Lee had a rough evening last night (can you blame him???) but when he woke up this morning he was completely fine. I think that the pain must be gone, but the blisters are still there. So now it will just be a constant battle to keep the gauze on his hands! He is not thrilled about that at all!!
Poor baby!

A year ago today. . .

It was a year ago today that our family was completed. Everyone who was supposed to come to us had arrived and we had a little miracle in the works. Little did I know when I woke up that morning that by the time I would go to bed I would have one of the biggest scares of my life that would also result in holding my youngest son in my arms.
A year ago today I was hanging out, getting ready for my C-Section that was coming up the following week. I was running errands and I was getting children to and from their various schools. I felt a bit sick and crampy and I really couldn't feel my baby move. A year ago today I was worried about this. It had not even been a year since I had delivered my stillborn and so I was feeling anxious. I could not get the nagging feeling that I needed to get checked out at the hospital out of my head. A year ago today, I followed that prompting, grabbed my camera, picked up my hubby and dropped off Caroline and Dustin at a friend's house.
A year ago today I sat in the triage of the Foothills Hospital watching the baby monitor and hoping and praying that the baby would move and that there would still be a heartbeat. A year ago today my doctor just happened to end surgery as I arrived. A year ago today she decided that because baby wasn't moving and I was already scheduled for a C-section the next week and the O.R. was open and she was there and I was there that she would do a C-Section. A year ago today I went into the operating room, grateful that I had grabbed my camera and excited and nervous that I was about to have my baby.
A year ago today, the operating room went silent. You could hear the hum of the monitors and the beating of my heart, but not a word was said. A year ago today a sudden cry broke the silence and the NICU was called in to help the baby and there was a flurry of activity. A year ago today my baby was whisked off to the NICU as the doctors tried to explain to me what had happened.
A year ago today I found out that I had almost lost my baby. I had had a placental abruption and was bleeding into the amniotic sac so Lee was eating, drinking and breathing blood. There were also numerous knots in the umbilical cord and if we had waited 2 more hours we would have lost another baby.
A year ago today I couldn't stop shaking and crying as I realized how close I had come to losing my baby. A year ago today I realized, for the first time, that Lee had his own special guardian angel. I realized that our little Robin had been helping him and because I had had her not even a year before my Lee was born I was able to notice the lack of movement on Lee's part. A year ago today, the death of one of my babies resulted in the saving of another one.
Over this past year I have thought a lot about that day. My heart still beats so quickly whenever I think about how close I came to losing Lee. It makes me so grateful that my Heavenly Father helped everything to fall into place at just the right moment so that my Lee could be saved.
I still firmly believe that everything that happened a year ago today was for a special purpose and that I have been entrusted with a very special boy. This is a boy who brings so much love and peace into my life. He is the happiest little guy and so calm and sweet.
And to think when I woke up that morning I had no idea how my life would be changed from a year ago today.

It all changes in the blink of an eye!

No! Seriously! It totally does! In my previous post I wrote about Lee and how he is my youngest and I savor each moment with him right? I wish I could just bottle up his babiness (I know its not a word) and preserve it forever! However, this kid has other things in mind.
Take today for instance:
This morning I got up, got the girlies off to school and then at 10:30 it was time for Lee's nap. Not a problem! He was soooo ready for it and willing to lay down and go to sleep. . . . or so I thought. Turns out he just wanted his bottle. That's okay though because often times he will finish his bottle, cry for a minute and then go to sleep. So he cried, and cried, and cried and cried. Then, all of a sudden I heard "Dada" coming from the top of the stairs!
This baby, who was supposed to be in his crib, who doesn't even crawl, who has just started pulling himself up to the standing position as of 2 days ago, has now figured out how to get out of his bed. Lee's poor face was all red on one side and he had carpet marks embedded into his head where he must have fallen. I felt like the worst mom ever!!! None of my other children have ever escaped from the crib so this is a first for me.
Because I felt so bad I immediately called Otto to tell him what happened. Lee was army crawling around on the main floor doing his baby thing and I was kind of keeping an eye on him. Because of this you can imagine my surprise when I hung up the phone with Otto and turned around in time to see Lee almost halfway up the stairs. . . . did I mention he doesn't even crawl yet??? Who is this kid???
I am a person who hates stair gates! I always trip on them and they wreck my walls and they are a real pain in the behind, so when my kids learn how to go up stairs, I immediately teach them how to come down.
So, I taught Lee how to go down stairs. So, in the space of 2 hours my little baby went from not crawling to the master crib escape artist and a climber and descender of stairs. Ummmm, didn't he get the memo???? He's the baby! I'm not having any more children of my own! He's not supposed to do these things so quickly!!!
What is he thinking???
So to all you mom's out there. . . don't blink or else everything may change on you!

The End of an Era

I feel as though I am experiencing the end of an era. I am a quite sad about this, but at the same time I am excited for what the future will bring. My baby is going to turn 1 in 3 weeks and so I will no longer have any more babies of my own that are in my house. Ever since I got pregnant with Lee I have known that he would be my last baby. It was harder for me to pick his name because there were still so many names that I loved and so many people that I wanted to name him after and I knew that I wouldn't have another chance to name my children after people that I loved and who inspired me to be better than I am.
And so he has become the end of an era. Sometimes when I watch him crawl around I get sad because I won't get to watch any more of my babies learn how to do that. Sometimes when he is trying to do new things I get sad because I won't get to experience the joy and the pride that I always feel when my babies learn how to smile, clap, play peek-a-boo, say "Mama", give high fives, shake their head no etc.
Because I have known that Lee would be my last baby I have tried to savor each and every moment that we have together. I always make time in my day to just sit down with him and play and read stories and sing songs. I feel bad because I didn't have that same opportunity with all of my children, but I know that I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't take the time to be with my baby before he grows up.
I will miss the baby talks, smells, tricks and toys. I will miss them more than you can imagine. I have a few regrets. One of my biggest regrets was that Otto and I never had the money to be able to give our babies a nursary. We never had the opportunity to paint a baby's room or pick out really cute bedding like I see my sister and sister-in-law doing. I have never been able to get matching furniture for the baby's room and I have never been able to completely set aside one whole room just for the baby. I really wish I could have. I know that in the long run it doesn't matter, but I am the kind of person who likes to do little things for others and I have always felt bad that I have never been able to do that for my own babies.
So at the end of this era I look back on my favorite moments, past regrets, joys, pains and sleepless nights. I look back with fondness and with gratitude that I have been blessed to have so many beautiful babies that I have loved. I am excited to watch them grow up. I am excited to experience their baptisms with them, their first dances, their graduations from school, their wedding days. And even though this is the end of an era for me, it is also the beginning of another new adventure. . . and I just can't wait for that ride!!

This is NOT supposed to happen!!!

Ok, for those of you who haven't seen my baby Lee, I just want to start off by saying that he is HUGE!!! He is the biggest monster baby I have ever seen! You don't believe me? Well listen to this . . .
The other day I tried to fit Lee's 18 month clothes on him and they were too small! That meant that I had to get out the next bigger size of clothes and can you guess what size they were??? Yep! A size 2. My 8 month youngest son is now wearing the clothes that his 3 year old brother wore last winter.
Now do you believe me????
Seriously! This kid is HUGE!!!

He'll Huff and He'll Puff . . .

but I doubt that he will have enough air to blow anyone's house down. Lee has not been breathing well for the past couple of days. It got worse yesterday, so I finally broke down and took him to the hospital. We were lucky and were the only people in the waiting room and we got in without too much waiting. Once admitted, Lee ended up being pumped full of meds designed to help him breathe better. He was also given a dose of steroids to help his lungs. However, last night and this morning he has continued to have a hard time again.
It is always hard on me when one of my children are sick. I always wish that I could just take it away from them and that they could be healthy all of the time. But I know that once they get through it it only makes them stronger. I did have fun playing with Lee in the hospital all day yesterday, and it was really fun to watch him start to say "Mom" and shake his rattles for the first time!
Anyways, this one isn't very long, or very deep, but it is just an update for all of my family who are reading this.

My Latest Digital Scrapbooking Adventure

This was a little experiment that I did. I have been working on this album using some digital software called Memory Mixer because I am going to be teaching a class on how to use it starting in October. The software allows you to add music to your album and even insert home videos and you can turn it into a digital album, or a digital movie as well as print it off as a scrapbook. So, I decided to try and create a digital movie out of my little scrapbook and I added some music to it. The album that you will see here is only the digital portion of what my album will look like when it is completely finished. I am going to be printing it out tomorrow and then adding some traditional scrapbooking embellishments and techniques to turn this album into a "Fusion Scrapbook" and hopefully add a bit of dimension to the album.

Feel free to let me know what you think, as I will be having this album on display in my mom's North store for other people to use as an example, and I don't want to be embarrassed!!!

Okay, now that I have had a chance to see what it looks like on my blog I just want to let you know that even though you can't see them, there are single words on every page that express how I feel about Lee. The movie is pretty small on the screen so you can't always see them, but they are there. . . . oh and don't give me credit for the beautiful pics. They were done by my very talented Aunt Judi.

Monster!

My little baby is a HUGE MONSTER!!! I can't believe how big he is!! He is now 4 months old and he is almost in size 12 clothes! I have been debating on whether I should put him into the 6-9 month clothes or just skip to the 12 month clothes! I would have to buy fewer clothes if I just skip a size, so I might just do that!
My sister had her baby last Friday while I was in San Diego and it has been driving me CRAZY that I haven't been able to see him. I am especially excited to meet him because he is the first cousin that my kiddies have on my side of the family. I know that when I see him though that he will make Lee look even bigger!
There are some great things that Lee is doing now. He is talking like crazy!! I have never had a child this young talk so much. . . . maybe it has something to do with the fact that he has 4 older siblings who yak at him all day long. Lee is also the most mellow and easy going baby! He just hangs out in his car seat and kind of whines a bit when he is hungry or really wet, but other than that he just smiles and talks all day long. (He even sleeps in the car seat. . . .something which really saved me when we were in San Diego!) Lee is now starting to be interested in standing, so we have brought out the ultrasaucer and he still LOVES his swing, so we have used that also. I also had bought a bumba at a second hand store and it is so much fun to have Lee sit in it on the counter while I am making dinner, or come and sit on the table while we are eating!
The other big step that my little monster is about to take is that I have finally broken down and bought him some rice cereal. I know that this sounds weird when I say "broken down", but I know that Lee has probably been ready to start the rice cereal for awhile now, but I just haven't been willing to do it because I don't really want to start changing the really gross diapers that come along with food. But, in the end, I really do want Lee to experience new things so I am going to bite the bullet and start with this whole food thing.
Well, even though I had hoped that Lee would be a nice, small baby like 3 of my other ones, it turns out that I got another Otto and he his HUGE!! But, I still love him anyways! So off I go to start my little (I mean big) monster on his next phase of life!

Sight

I found out today at Lee's check-up that there may be something wrong with one of Lee's eyes. I am not too concerned because I know that he can see fine out of the other eye. I feel bad for the poor little guy though because it always seems to be as though there is something happening with him. It has made me stop and think about the fact that I take the gift of sight for granted. I wondered to myself what I would miss the most if my eyesight was taken away, so I decided to write a little list:

I would miss:

seeing Lee smile

Otto's dimples

looking into Abby's eyes

watching Anne dance

watching Dustin run around

seeing how much Caroline looks like Otto

the different colors and types of flowers

scrapbooking

looking at a beautifully plated dish of food

watching the sun glisten off of the water at the cabin

the view of the mountains from my house

the look on my kids faces on Christmas morning

watching my kids accomplish major milestones in their lives

adoring new puppies

watching movies and tv

READING



It is amazing how many things we take for granted. We don't even think about them unless we lose them. I sure do hope that everything goes well for my little guy because I know that if we find out what is wrong when he is young that he can lead a perfectly normal life.

Smile

What is it about a smile that makes other people happy? Is it the fact that it symbolizes happiness or do we just like what it does to people's faces? I have been wondering this recently because Lee started to smile on Sunday. I couldn't believe how excited and happy I was that he was finally able to do that. He has smiled a few times since then, and each time I get so excited. It is strange to me that a baby's smile is so different from a grown-up's smile, and yet we think of the baby's smile as cute and we recognize that it is actually a smile.
I also think that it is amazing that one of the very first things that a baby learns how to do is smile. Why is that do you think? Could it be that it is because that is what the baby sees most often? Or is it because those are simply the first muscles to develop? Is the baby actually happy, or is he just mimicking what he sees? I don't know why I am thinking so much about Lee's smiling, maybe it is hormones or maybe it is because he is my last baby, but I sure do love the fact that he is smiling now.

Change

He's changing!! I can't believe it!! Hasn't anyone told him that I hate change? He's my baby, and will forever be my baby. . . . doesn't that mean he has to stay an infant forever? What's with this anyhow? My little Lee is laying here, staring at random nothings and I just keep thinking that one day this wonderful infant stage is going to end and he is going to be all grown up.
Time is going too quickly!!! Isn't there some way to stop it for awhile? Okay. I'm not totally unreasonable, if someone could find a way for me to bottle up these precious moments I would be happy too. I mean, I wouldn't want to preserve absolutely EVERY moment. The diaper changing can go, as can the 3 am feedings. However, I need to find a way to keep a vivid memory of his sweet little infant cry. I need to bottle his newborn scent so that I can smell it whenever I want to. I do have some of his little fuzzy hair in a jar because they had to shave a part of his head to put an I.V. into it when he went back into the hospital, but it isn't the same as being able to run my cheeks over his fuzzy head. And what about the way he loves to be curled in a ball? Pictures just can't do it justice. I love the way his tiny hands curl into fists at the slightest touch. I love the way his beautiful blue eyes focus on nothing and yet it seems as though they see so much. How do I preserve the quiet evenings when I just hold my sweet baby and we adore each other? Taking footprints and handprints can't convey the fact that my little guy looks like one of those puppys who are tiny but have massive paws. Holding other people's babies wont be the same as when my baby snuggles into my arms when I pick him up after he has gotten upset.
This isn't fair. How come I get to keep my baby forever, but I have to let him grow up? Why is it that one day my little boy will turn into a man and love another woman as much as he loves me right now? How do I get to hang on to these moments when they are so fleeting? Lee will be 6 weeks old tomorrow, and he will be getting blessed on Sunday. I don't think I am ready for him to grow up. I wish that I will never have to let him experience the hardships of life. I wish that I could just cradle him in my arms forever!
Alas, I know that this isn't meant to happen, but maybe, just maybe, in these quiet moments, I can pretend.

One Month

Yep. . .that's right. . . my little Lee is one month old today. How do I feel about this? Well, to be honest, I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I can't wait to see him start to smile. I love how his beautiful blue eyes are starting to focus and they search for me when he hears my voice.
On the other hand, I feel as though I want to take each moment and bottle it forever so that I can always remember his smell, his look, his weight, the way he cuddles up to me, the way he constantly searches for me when he hears my voice. Is there some magic way to preserve these times? I feel as though they are slipping away too fast. It is scaring me, but at the same time I get excited for him to start experiencing things.
I love my little guy. I know that he was meant to be a part of our family. I am so glad that we get to be with him forever.
On another note, Otto started his new job today. He is so excited about this job, and so I am excited for him. I sure hope that everything works out for him because he is such a good husband and father and I just want him to be happy at work.