Change

He's changing!! I can't believe it!! Hasn't anyone told him that I hate change? He's my baby, and will forever be my baby. . . . doesn't that mean he has to stay an infant forever? What's with this anyhow? My little Lee is laying here, staring at random nothings and I just keep thinking that one day this wonderful infant stage is going to end and he is going to be all grown up.
Time is going too quickly!!! Isn't there some way to stop it for awhile? Okay. I'm not totally unreasonable, if someone could find a way for me to bottle up these precious moments I would be happy too. I mean, I wouldn't want to preserve absolutely EVERY moment. The diaper changing can go, as can the 3 am feedings. However, I need to find a way to keep a vivid memory of his sweet little infant cry. I need to bottle his newborn scent so that I can smell it whenever I want to. I do have some of his little fuzzy hair in a jar because they had to shave a part of his head to put an I.V. into it when he went back into the hospital, but it isn't the same as being able to run my cheeks over his fuzzy head. And what about the way he loves to be curled in a ball? Pictures just can't do it justice. I love the way his tiny hands curl into fists at the slightest touch. I love the way his beautiful blue eyes focus on nothing and yet it seems as though they see so much. How do I preserve the quiet evenings when I just hold my sweet baby and we adore each other? Taking footprints and handprints can't convey the fact that my little guy looks like one of those puppys who are tiny but have massive paws. Holding other people's babies wont be the same as when my baby snuggles into my arms when I pick him up after he has gotten upset.
This isn't fair. How come I get to keep my baby forever, but I have to let him grow up? Why is it that one day my little boy will turn into a man and love another woman as much as he loves me right now? How do I get to hang on to these moments when they are so fleeting? Lee will be 6 weeks old tomorrow, and he will be getting blessed on Sunday. I don't think I am ready for him to grow up. I wish that I will never have to let him experience the hardships of life. I wish that I could just cradle him in my arms forever!
Alas, I know that this isn't meant to happen, but maybe, just maybe, in these quiet moments, I can pretend.