Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The End of an Era

I feel as though I am experiencing the end of an era. I am a quite sad about this, but at the same time I am excited for what the future will bring. My baby is going to turn 1 in 3 weeks and so I will no longer have any more babies of my own that are in my house. Ever since I got pregnant with Lee I have known that he would be my last baby. It was harder for me to pick his name because there were still so many names that I loved and so many people that I wanted to name him after and I knew that I wouldn't have another chance to name my children after people that I loved and who inspired me to be better than I am.
And so he has become the end of an era. Sometimes when I watch him crawl around I get sad because I won't get to watch any more of my babies learn how to do that. Sometimes when he is trying to do new things I get sad because I won't get to experience the joy and the pride that I always feel when my babies learn how to smile, clap, play peek-a-boo, say "Mama", give high fives, shake their head no etc.
Because I have known that Lee would be my last baby I have tried to savor each and every moment that we have together. I always make time in my day to just sit down with him and play and read stories and sing songs. I feel bad because I didn't have that same opportunity with all of my children, but I know that I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't take the time to be with my baby before he grows up.
I will miss the baby talks, smells, tricks and toys. I will miss them more than you can imagine. I have a few regrets. One of my biggest regrets was that Otto and I never had the money to be able to give our babies a nursary. We never had the opportunity to paint a baby's room or pick out really cute bedding like I see my sister and sister-in-law doing. I have never been able to get matching furniture for the baby's room and I have never been able to completely set aside one whole room just for the baby. I really wish I could have. I know that in the long run it doesn't matter, but I am the kind of person who likes to do little things for others and I have always felt bad that I have never been able to do that for my own babies.
So at the end of this era I look back on my favorite moments, past regrets, joys, pains and sleepless nights. I look back with fondness and with gratitude that I have been blessed to have so many beautiful babies that I have loved. I am excited to watch them grow up. I am excited to experience their baptisms with them, their first dances, their graduations from school, their wedding days. And even though this is the end of an era for me, it is also the beginning of another new adventure. . . and I just can't wait for that ride!!


Suzanne Lee said...

Megan, that was tear jerking!
I can imagine it being tough; getting to the end of that road so to speak. Just think of the joys you've experienced and how blessed you are to have had such wonderful children. You're an amazing mother!
I hope this isn't to touchy for me to say here but you still have someone waiting to be raised Megan. She may have come before Lee but she's still waiting for you to see her grow, and to be sung to and played with.
So enjoy the many earthly milestones to come with your family, becuase your "era" will yet continue, its just on pause for a while :)

Jacki said...

ooo, if you have other favorite names pass them my way, I'm the worst at naming.

I can't believe Lee is at the one year mark! Are you having a big party?

Ashley Dawn said...

awww, I've really been trying to do that with this baby - even though I'm not sure he'll be my last. I can really appreciate the feeling of regret in some of the things you don't fully appreciate. I've been trying to make that right, and this post has made me want to try harder. Thanks Megan.

mum2brady said...

It is sad, isn't it :( I'm still a little sad every day that there aren't any more babies - babies are just the BEST :) Of course I'm crazy with all my kids, so I really don't NEED any more babies- I just love em ;)

I just gave several crib sets to DI - and we've never had matching furniture for our babies or even ourselves :) Heck - we don't even have a headboard for our bed LOL In the end - all those things are nice - but you use your money to make memories and give your children opportunities - and - that my cute niece, is what really matters!!!

Nursery sets come and go - but the memories will last forever :) You are a great mom (even if your baby did fall out of the crib - if that's the worst that happens to him - no worries ;) and your kids are happy and well adjusted and loved - and that is the BEST :)

But, enjoy all those baby moments, all those toddler moments, cause soon they will be gone - wahhhhhh!!!!