Monday, September 14, 2009

What?!?!?! I'm NOT immortal???

I don't know what it was about yesterday. . . .maybe it finally hit me that I am 30 and now supposed to be a grown-up, maybe its this stupid ankle thing that is bothering me, maybe its the fact that I have a friend whose brother died suddenly at the age of 42, maybe its the fact that my grandpa just had surgery on his back and is STILL in the hospital. . . I don't know, but for some reason my mortality really hit me like a ton of bricks.
I started thinking of what would happen if I died tomorrow? (not in a suicidal way) Would I have regrets? Would my family hurt financially? Do I have a will? Do I have enough life insurance? Would Otto have to go into debt just to bury me?
Like I said, I don't know why I started thinking about that, but I believe that it was a good day to reflect. I know the answers to all of these questions and it has made me think that maybe I need to do a little organizing because I don't think that everything would go smoothly if I were to suddenly pass away. I do have life insurance, but I couldn't tell you how much or where the documents are. I don't have any regrets, however there is still a ton of stuff that I still want to do. Do I tell my children I love them enough? I hope so. I hope that one day (hopefully 60 years from now) when I do pass away, my children will always know how much I love them. I hope that I will have filled their lives with wonderful memories that they can cherish. I hope that I will have family and friends who will think of funny moments that we have shared together and that there will be a big party and everyone can hang out and relax after my funeral.
What it really boils down to is something that has been important to me for a long time and it is this:
I hope that my life will have mattered. I hope that in some small way I have made a difference in the world and that the world was a better place because I was in it. I hope that when I do get to the other side that my ancestors will be proud to claim me as their family member and that I leave a posterity who are successful and strong people. I hope that my belief in my religion will be passed onto my children and their children so that they can have hope and happiness when I am gone and I hope that when I see my little Robin again that I can cherish the fact that we will be together again.
So until someone finds a way for me to be immortal, I will just have to try and live this life to the fullest and make sure that my affairs are in order. . . just in case!

1 comments:

Ashley Dawn said...

Haha, I've totally been going through this recently. I don't know why. I really need to get everything in order and have a check list for Jarett on qualities needed to be a mom for my kids (that's the things that kills me the most - no pun intended). Just so you know, you would be missed!! Just our few memories over the years make me laugh to think of. Thanks for all of those (you know, in case I don't get the chance ;) )