I can't sleep. A conversation that I had today with one of my very best friends still haunts me. I was devastated when I found out that my dear, sweet friend suffered a miscarriage while I was away at the cabin. My heart broke. How could this happen to her? This just doesn't seem right! All I could manage to say over the phone was "I am so sorry", repeated over and over again. The right words seemed to elude me. I felt as though the wind was knocked out of me. This wasn't my baby, but it was the next worst thing. What should I have said? This has been what has been keeping me awake all night. This is why I can't sleep.
THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID!!!!
My beautiful girl. I love you. You are one of my very best friends. A friendship like ours is the kind that people write about in books. We have only known each other for about 6 years now, but to me it seems as though we have known each other forever. We are very similar in many ways, and yet we are so different in so many other ways. However, our differences have always seemed to make life more fun!
Our friendship started through a nightly workout group, but I know that it will last forever. We have been through so much together. We have laughed together, planned events together, served together, baked together, learned together, cried together and so much more. We have survived through many trials together. We were together the night your brother was killed in the accident. We were together when BRIDEZILLA went bizerk and tried to ban us from the wedding. You were one of the first people I called when Robin was born. When we had our little boys four months apart we took turns sneaking frosties into the hospital for each other. You are probably the ONLY person in the whole world who could make me eat (and actually like) a cheesecake made with Jell-O products, Cool whip and cherry pie filling (many others have tried and failed miserably). We have done moving days together, planned temple trips together, renovated crappy basement suites together, developed basements together. We have experienced some of our highest highs together and some of our lowest lows together. We have had TONS of fun doing Girl's Nights. We have dished about our families to each other (all good things of course), gossiped together, told each other our little secrets.
We can get busy with our lives and not have the chance to talk to each other for months, but as soon as we do it seems as though we just pick up where we left off and it is so easy and comfortable. We can completely be ourselves around each other. We can tell each other how it is without offending each other. We can poke fun of each other's little quirks and laugh about them together. We know that we can call each other whenever we need help and it will be there with not hesitation or questions asked.
My dear friend, I am so sorry I wasn't around when your miscarriage happened. When I got off the phone with you tonight, I just cried. We have already shared the bond of both delivering stillborn babies, and I am devastated that you have had to go through all of that again with this miscarriage. You are one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. You have a strength that I can only marvel at. You are one of the most incredibly talented people that I have ever come across. I love your levelheadedness. I love how you can go from farmgirl to fashionista in the blink of an eye. I love your compassion that you have for others. I miss you when we don`t see each other for long periods of time. I love watching you mother your son. I love how you pretend to get all strict with him, but all the while you and I and your husband and your son all know what a great big softy you are.
I want you to know that if I could take this away from you, I would. I wish that you didn`t have to endure this trial. I wish that somehow I could carry this burden for you. I know that you have a husband who feels the same way. I know that you have a wonderful mother who is a rock for you and who loves you more than anything else in this world. I know that you have 2 sisters who look up to you as an example in so many ways (even if they don`t always know that themselves). I am quite sure that your brother is up in Heaven taking care of your two little angels and telling them all about you (and maybe causing a little mischief along the way).
I am also sure that there really are no correct words that I can say that will make all of this go away. I know that nothing that I can do will make this whole thing better for you, so I want you to know this. I love you. I simply adore you. You know that you can always talk about anything with me and it is never awkward. We have done this before (only our roles were reversed) and I hope we never have to do it again, but I am here for you. I want you to read this post and think of it as me wrapping my arms around you and giving you a great big hug and just crying with you for awhile. Our friendship is strong. Our lives will forever be intertwined. I know that we will continue to help each other through the tough times, like this and that we will also always be able to have fun together as though we have no care in the world.
Again, I love you.
This is what I should have said.
THIS IS WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID!!!!
My beautiful girl. I love you. You are one of my very best friends. A friendship like ours is the kind that people write about in books. We have only known each other for about 6 years now, but to me it seems as though we have known each other forever. We are very similar in many ways, and yet we are so different in so many other ways. However, our differences have always seemed to make life more fun!
Our friendship started through a nightly workout group, but I know that it will last forever. We have been through so much together. We have laughed together, planned events together, served together, baked together, learned together, cried together and so much more. We have survived through many trials together. We were together the night your brother was killed in the accident. We were together when BRIDEZILLA went bizerk and tried to ban us from the wedding. You were one of the first people I called when Robin was born. When we had our little boys four months apart we took turns sneaking frosties into the hospital for each other. You are probably the ONLY person in the whole world who could make me eat (and actually like) a cheesecake made with Jell-O products, Cool whip and cherry pie filling (many others have tried and failed miserably). We have done moving days together, planned temple trips together, renovated crappy basement suites together, developed basements together. We have experienced some of our highest highs together and some of our lowest lows together. We have had TONS of fun doing Girl's Nights. We have dished about our families to each other (all good things of course), gossiped together, told each other our little secrets.
We can get busy with our lives and not have the chance to talk to each other for months, but as soon as we do it seems as though we just pick up where we left off and it is so easy and comfortable. We can completely be ourselves around each other. We can tell each other how it is without offending each other. We can poke fun of each other's little quirks and laugh about them together. We know that we can call each other whenever we need help and it will be there with not hesitation or questions asked.
My dear friend, I am so sorry I wasn't around when your miscarriage happened. When I got off the phone with you tonight, I just cried. We have already shared the bond of both delivering stillborn babies, and I am devastated that you have had to go through all of that again with this miscarriage. You are one of the most wonderful people I have ever known. You have a strength that I can only marvel at. You are one of the most incredibly talented people that I have ever come across. I love your levelheadedness. I love how you can go from farmgirl to fashionista in the blink of an eye. I love your compassion that you have for others. I miss you when we don`t see each other for long periods of time. I love watching you mother your son. I love how you pretend to get all strict with him, but all the while you and I and your husband and your son all know what a great big softy you are.
I want you to know that if I could take this away from you, I would. I wish that you didn`t have to endure this trial. I wish that somehow I could carry this burden for you. I know that you have a husband who feels the same way. I know that you have a wonderful mother who is a rock for you and who loves you more than anything else in this world. I know that you have 2 sisters who look up to you as an example in so many ways (even if they don`t always know that themselves). I am quite sure that your brother is up in Heaven taking care of your two little angels and telling them all about you (and maybe causing a little mischief along the way).
I am also sure that there really are no correct words that I can say that will make all of this go away. I know that nothing that I can do will make this whole thing better for you, so I want you to know this. I love you. I simply adore you. You know that you can always talk about anything with me and it is never awkward. We have done this before (only our roles were reversed) and I hope we never have to do it again, but I am here for you. I want you to read this post and think of it as me wrapping my arms around you and giving you a great big hug and just crying with you for awhile. Our friendship is strong. Our lives will forever be intertwined. I know that we will continue to help each other through the tough times, like this and that we will also always be able to have fun together as though we have no care in the world.
Again, I love you.
This is what I should have said.
2 comments:
That's lovely, Meg. I really think you should send it to her.
Wow, this is what I needed to read yesterday when I got bad news about a friends baby.....thank you for the idea. I think I shall write her a note too.
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