My World

This last weekend, we took the kiddies up to visit my Biological Father, Jeff and his family.  It was a fun weekend seeing their house and where they live and spending time with them.  I enjoyed watching my girlies cut out paper doll clothes with Jeff's wife.  I loved watching them wrestle on the ground with Jeff and his son.  I loved listening to Otto tease their family and ruffle their feathers a bit.  I especially loved being there with them and visiting with them.
It has been quite a few years since we have been able to go and visit them for a weekend and this past weekend made me realize how much I missed that.  I always have a hard time leaving them because I have so many different emotions and lots to think about whenever I am leaving.  I get very quiet on the car ride home because I just sit there and think the whole way home.
Growing up I have been extremely blessed to have a family who loves me.  My dad adopted me when I was 3 years old and has raised me as his own daughter.  Most people don't know that I am not his biological daughter and he has always made me feel as though I am.  I grew up being best friends with my cousin from that side and being surrounded by tons of cousins on that side.  I have always felt as though I was completely loved and accepted.  I have never lacked for affection or guidance from any of my family members and I have never been made to feel as though I was not a part of the family.
I can only imagine what my Grandma and Grandpa Lee thought when they heard that my dad was dating someone who was divorced and had a daughter, but they have always welcomed me with open arms and have never made me feel as though I was different.
However, I am a little different.  I consider myself to be extra lucky.
You see, I have an extra parent who has loved me for my whole life even though we didn't have any contact with each other from the time I was 3 until I was 18.  It is a really strange feeling to know that there is someone out there whom you don't really remember who loves you too.  I have often wondered, growing up, what Jeff was like.  I wondered who he was and if he missed me and if he ever wondered about me.
I consider myself to be very lucky that he did wonder about me and love me and that we have been able to establish a relationship.  I feel lucky that he is there because he seems to be one of the few people who can actually understand why I think a certain way and my entire thought process.  It is a strange connection, this biological one.  It is one that I have struggled with for many years.  In the past couple of years, I have come to terms with who I am and my unique position of having a family who loves me with my 3 sisters and my brother and another, kind of more extended family whom I also love.  I have been blessed to have the opportunity to get to know Jeff's family better.  They don't replace my own family.  They are different from my own family, but they are a part of my life. 
I can only explain it as being the same as when you have children. When you have your first child, your whole world is that child.  You wonder how you could love anything else as much as that first child. . . until you have another child.  Your love for that first child never diminishes, but somehow your heart is able to grow and you are able to love the other child(ren) just as much as you love that first child.  Even though they are not the same person, you are able to love them for their differences.  You are able to love their strengths and their weaknesses.
I never chose to be in the position I am in, but I am happy that everything has turned out to be for the best.  I love having my siblings and watching them grow up, get married, have children (which I spoil A LOT), go on missions and have good relationships with them.  But I also love watching Jeff's family as they have grown up and are now facing adulthood.  I love having one of my half-sisters live in Calgary so that I have someone to play with and help out when she needs it.  I love developing a different relationship with her as we are getting to know one another better.  I like having a friend in Jeff's wife.  I know that having me around can't be the easiest thing for her, but I feel lucky that she has taken the time to become my friend and she always treats my kids so well.  She is a quiet person so I know that having us around is really going out of her comfort zone and she has no idea how much I appreciate all of the work that she does when we are around.
This is a post I have been wanting to write for a long time so that maybe my friends and family can get a little glimpse into my little world.  Being a child of divorce is not unusual in this day and age, it definitely affects the children who come from that marriage, however, I believe that I am one of the fortunate ones who has been blessed by my circumstance.  I hope that one day my children can know how lucky they are to have so many people who love them.  I hope that because of my circumstances that they can grow up and be understanding of all children who come from all different types of families and I hope that they can understand how lucky they are to have the family that they have.