My World

This last weekend, we took the kiddies up to visit my Biological Father, Jeff and his family.  It was a fun weekend seeing their house and where they live and spending time with them.  I enjoyed watching my girlies cut out paper doll clothes with Jeff's wife.  I loved watching them wrestle on the ground with Jeff and his son.  I loved listening to Otto tease their family and ruffle their feathers a bit.  I especially loved being there with them and visiting with them.
It has been quite a few years since we have been able to go and visit them for a weekend and this past weekend made me realize how much I missed that.  I always have a hard time leaving them because I have so many different emotions and lots to think about whenever I am leaving.  I get very quiet on the car ride home because I just sit there and think the whole way home.
Growing up I have been extremely blessed to have a family who loves me.  My dad adopted me when I was 3 years old and has raised me as his own daughter.  Most people don't know that I am not his biological daughter and he has always made me feel as though I am.  I grew up being best friends with my cousin from that side and being surrounded by tons of cousins on that side.  I have always felt as though I was completely loved and accepted.  I have never lacked for affection or guidance from any of my family members and I have never been made to feel as though I was not a part of the family.
I can only imagine what my Grandma and Grandpa Lee thought when they heard that my dad was dating someone who was divorced and had a daughter, but they have always welcomed me with open arms and have never made me feel as though I was different.
However, I am a little different.  I consider myself to be extra lucky.
You see, I have an extra parent who has loved me for my whole life even though we didn't have any contact with each other from the time I was 3 until I was 18.  It is a really strange feeling to know that there is someone out there whom you don't really remember who loves you too.  I have often wondered, growing up, what Jeff was like.  I wondered who he was and if he missed me and if he ever wondered about me.
I consider myself to be very lucky that he did wonder about me and love me and that we have been able to establish a relationship.  I feel lucky that he is there because he seems to be one of the few people who can actually understand why I think a certain way and my entire thought process.  It is a strange connection, this biological one.  It is one that I have struggled with for many years.  In the past couple of years, I have come to terms with who I am and my unique position of having a family who loves me with my 3 sisters and my brother and another, kind of more extended family whom I also love.  I have been blessed to have the opportunity to get to know Jeff's family better.  They don't replace my own family.  They are different from my own family, but they are a part of my life. 
I can only explain it as being the same as when you have children. When you have your first child, your whole world is that child.  You wonder how you could love anything else as much as that first child. . . until you have another child.  Your love for that first child never diminishes, but somehow your heart is able to grow and you are able to love the other child(ren) just as much as you love that first child.  Even though they are not the same person, you are able to love them for their differences.  You are able to love their strengths and their weaknesses.
I never chose to be in the position I am in, but I am happy that everything has turned out to be for the best.  I love having my siblings and watching them grow up, get married, have children (which I spoil A LOT), go on missions and have good relationships with them.  But I also love watching Jeff's family as they have grown up and are now facing adulthood.  I love having one of my half-sisters live in Calgary so that I have someone to play with and help out when she needs it.  I love developing a different relationship with her as we are getting to know one another better.  I like having a friend in Jeff's wife.  I know that having me around can't be the easiest thing for her, but I feel lucky that she has taken the time to become my friend and she always treats my kids so well.  She is a quiet person so I know that having us around is really going out of her comfort zone and she has no idea how much I appreciate all of the work that she does when we are around.
This is a post I have been wanting to write for a long time so that maybe my friends and family can get a little glimpse into my little world.  Being a child of divorce is not unusual in this day and age, it definitely affects the children who come from that marriage, however, I believe that I am one of the fortunate ones who has been blessed by my circumstance.  I hope that one day my children can know how lucky they are to have so many people who love them.  I hope that because of my circumstances that they can grow up and be understanding of all children who come from all different types of families and I hope that they can understand how lucky they are to have the family that they have.

The Comin Family Proudly Presents. . .

. . . The Circus!

On Monday night, after teaching piano lessons, the following notice was found on my bedroom door:
The Circus
The Circus will be on Thursday the 26th of November after dinner when Anne and Caroline come home before dinner we ask that we get ready for it so that we will be on time and so we won't have to do it when it is are turn to do the circus and there will be two parts of the show so we ask if you can sit down well we are getting ready for the second part of the show and we ask if you can sit on the floor or on the other sofa and it would be best if you sit on the other sofa or stand up. 
Please bring a video camera!
To The Circus Please!!!!!!!!!!
THANKYOU!!!!!

Of course, once we read that notice we had to make sure that we could attend the circus.  So, last night (as posted) we attended the Comin Family 3 Ring Circus.  Abby was the emcee and she started off the evening by handing us a "Circus Flodder" (folder) which contained the program for the evening (2 copies of it of course) and the words to the "good buy" song that they made up. 
The program went as follows:
1 . Dance by the clowns (Anne and Caroline)
2.  The tripe artist (I believe she meant trapeze artist, but we called them the tripe artist for the rest of the evening)
3.  Silly clown song
4.  Silly tea party
5.  Sad clown song
6. The Good buy song

The kids had been working on this circus for weeks and it was all that they could talk about.  I let them use the Halloween face paint and paint their faces and then after the circus I made scones for everyone so that we could have some yummy circus food after the show.   I do have to say that my favorite part of the circus was actually the "Good Buy" song.  It went like this:
Good buy good buy good clowns good buy we hope you enjoyed are show _____.
We hoped you will come soon so be good to your parents and they may take you to our circus so be good ____.  So that you can come to the circus.  Are tripe artist says good buy are ring master says good buy (good buy) are clowns says good buy.  Good buy good buy we hope you will come again soon we don't want to bother anyone we don't we don't want to be mean to your parents but we will see you next time _____.
SO BE GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Personally, my favorite line was the last one, but Otto enjoyed the entire thing.  I told him that next time I find a great sale I will sing this song in my head.  There is no particular melody, just pick a note and start singing whatever tune comes to you.

So the circus. . . . . IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

GOOD BUY!

Family Fun

My sisters are all coming home this weekend and I am thrilled beyond thrilled!  I miss my sisters, so much, when they are at school and I can't wait to see my neice and nephew tonight!  We are going to spend tonight at our family's favorite restaurant, "Leo Fu's" and then we are going to play games (sans kids).  Tomorrow will be an early Thanksgiving dinner, followed by family pictures.  Then my parents and brother and his wife will head out to a wedding reception and we will send the other men off to a church meeting and have a girls night/chocolate fondue with all of my sisters and my kiddies!  Sunday will be spent watching a church broadcast in our pj's at my parent's house and then hanging out until the afternoon and wrapping up the day with a dinner with my Bennion cousins.
So. . . bring on the weekend!  I am ready to have some family fun!

To Four Generations

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with my family. I realized, as I was standing in a room full of my relatives and learning about my ancestry, that I am so thankful for the 4 generations of my family that have touched my life. And so I wanted to take a minute and thank those generations for all that they gave me.
#1 - I want to start off and thank my Grandparents and their generation for all of the time, effort, money etc that they have put into recording my ancestry. Family has always been a big deal to me and I am so grateful for the wonderful examples that my grandparents are to me. I have always felt loved and special whenever I have been with them. I appreciate the time that they have always made for me growing up. I still remember how lucky I used to feel when Grandma and Grandpa would take just me and go to the farm, or go visit my Grandpa's sister, or go to something on the Archer side. I always enjoyed my time with them and I always learned a lot. They taught me that family is important and that I am a part of a support group who loves me and cares about me no matter what.
#2 - I want to thank my parents. My parents have always been an example to me of people who are balanced. I love how ambitious they are. I am so proud of my mother and all that she has accomplished. When I was a little girl, she showed me that she loved me by making all of my birthdays so special and by making it exciting to go on trips by buying us little presents to open during the car rides. Because of those things that she did for me, my children benefit from it. No matter what is going on in our lives, my kids always look forward to their birthday parties because we spend months planning them and making sure that they have the time of their lives. I am also so grateful for my dad who sat me down one day when I was about 16 or so, and told me that he chose me. That was something that I have never forgotten and it has always meant so much to me. I believe that my dad is the wisest person I know and even though I am now grown up with a family of my own, I still seek him out for advice when I am about to make a big decision.
#3 - I want to thank my husband for being my rock. We have always worked as a team. I really appreciate how our marriage works and how we are always doing something side by side instead of one in front of the other. I really appreciate what a wonderful father he is to our children. People often ask me how I am able to have 5 kids and my immediate answer is that it is because I have such a wonderful husband. He is so thoughtful and caring and I believe that my kids see him as a superhero!
#4- Finally I want to thank my children. I have never known as much happiness in my life as I have been able to experiece since I have had my babies. I love how unique they are from each other. I love how beautiful they are. I love their strenths and I worry over their weaknesses. I have thought about what my children would be like ever since I was 16 and it really affected the choices that I made when I was that age. I am so blessed to have them in my life and I love that they believe that we are "Team Comin". After dinner you can usually hear the cheer "What kind of work? TEAMWORK!" being chanted in our house as we do our family chores, or as the kids are tackling the kitchen. I hope that they grow up to realize that our family really is "Team Comin" and that when they are going through something that they have a team of 6 other members who are cheering for them and who will support them in any trial.

So Thank You to all of my family. I know that I am so blessed to be a part of this wonderful family and I hope that one day I will make you all as proud of me as I am of you.

Its all about the party

Am I a bad mom for not whisking my children away for a fun-filled Spring Break at some distant location? I didn't think so, until I started talking to the kids about what their friends were doing for Spring Break. It seems to me that everyone goes away on vacation. And really, why wouldn't they? As I sit at my computer and look out the window I see that my yard, house and even the mountains are covered in snow. Who wouldn't want to escape to a warmer destination (I mean, I AM going to Florida for my birthday!!!)?
It does make me feel guilty though because I do have so many children, I just can't afford to take them on tons of vacations. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I only had two of them. Would I spend more time with them individually? Would I take them on more trips? Would they have more stuff? I believe that I would honestly have to answer no to all of those questions. I don't believe that my children are lacking in any area because there are 5 of them. Otto and I have been very fortunate to be able to sacrifice some things in order to be able to give our children the things that they need and some of the things that they even want.
That being said, this spring break has really made me think about things. We aren't going somewhere for a vacation, however we have been having fun. You see, if you know anything about me, you know that I like to plan events. I LOVE to plan things, specially parties or get togethers. So, because we are not going anywhere for Spring Break and I have a big convention coming up next weekend that I have been working my butt off to get ready for, I told the kids that on Friday we could have a party.
I did this a couple of years ago for Spring Break when we didn't go anywhere also, and it works wonders. Here's how it works. Before Spring Break starts we make invitations (by hand of course) and each child gets to invite 3 children. They hand those invitations out to their friends during the last week of school before Spring Break and that starts to get them excited for their party. If you did the math you would think that my house would be full of kids (I have 4 kids old enough to invite friends and that would equal 12 friends plus my kids for a total of 16 kids at my house for a party). However, because it is Spring Break most of the friends can't make it and so as of this morning we are having a total (including my own kids) of 9 children at this party. (Not bad hey?)
Then, on the first day of Spring Break we have a family meeting to discuss what the theme of our party will be (this year it is a Party Animal theme) and what activities we are going to do at it (play Doggie, Doggie where's your bone, make an animal picture frame and take pictures to put in the frames, make animal sugar cookies to decorate, have a pinata, play pin the tail on the donkey). And then everyday during Spring Break we spend the afternoon doing things to get ready for the party. (Go get groceries, buy candies and prizes etc) However, if the kids want a party at the house they also have to help make sure that the house is clean.
So, you see, this Spring Break party becomes the perfect bribe during Spring Break. It works for everything from getting the house clean, to making sure the kids aren't fighting, to having 5 children be on their best behaviour when we are running errands.
So, we may not be going somewhere for Spring Break this year, but this Spring Break has been all about the Party!

Fun Filled Family Weekend

As I wrote in my previous post, Otto's dad and his wife flew into town to come and visit. This past weekend we got to spend a lot of time with them. They slept over at our house on Saturday and Sunday evenings. It was great! The kids really enjoyed having Granny and Grandpa sleep over at our house. It is too bad that they live so far away because the children don't really get to see them that often (did I mention that we hadn't seen them in 3 years???).
On Friday night Otto and I went out for dinner with Bob, Kathy and Kevin (Otto's sister's husband). It was great! It was so nice to be able to see Bob and Kathy without having to control any children. Afterwards, Otto and I went to a movie. . . if you haven't seen Yes Man and you are looking for a really funny, light movie, go see it!
Saturday was a day full of cleaning. We were having Granny and Grandpa sleep-over and so the house had to be extra clean! It was worth it though because we had Otto's sister, Heather and her entire family (3 teenage boys) and Granny and Grandpa all over for a pizza party! We hung out, played Rock Band (I killed on the drums of course), played games and had TONS of food (would you expect anything less of me???). The kids had a BLAST with their cousins and it was really fun to have a party with Otto's family. We don't do it very often so it was a fun evening!
On Sunday, I was so busy I was barely home. We had a nice brunch and then church and Bob and Kathy went to her family party. I was in meetings all day and evening and so I didn't get home until after 10 pm, but it was nice to visit with Bob and Kathy that night. . . . a great way to relax!
Yesterday afternoon, Jason (Otto's brother) came and picked up Bob and Kathy to take them down to their house for a couple of days. We kept the kids home from school so that they could play with their grandparents. The girls and Dustin spent the whole morning teasing, and being teased by Grandpa and being read to by Granny. They all had a lot of fun (except when Grandpa tried to flush them down the toilet. . . they kind of freaked out a little. . . HILARIOUS!!).
So, there you go. . . I CAN be spontaneous. . . however. . . well. . . it takes WAY more energy to be that way. I think that I could sleep for about 3 days!
How was your weekend? I will have to go catch up on some blog reading I think!

Spontaneous

If you know me at all, you will see the word Spontaneous next to my name and laugh! Anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT spontaneous!! However, I am really trying to be that way this weekend. You see, my Otto's dad and his wife decided to fly out to come see all of their family on a whim this weekend. They decided yesterday afternoon and arrived last night. Wow! I could NEVER do that!! I would be freaking out the whole time because of the lack of plans. . . wait. . . ok, I will be honest, I AM freaking out a little bit because I didn't have time to put plans in place.
As I am sitting here, trying to take deep breaths and type this post at the same time I am realizing that this will be good for me. I haven't had time to make a ton of plans, but I have been able to plan to spend time with Otto's dad and his wife. We really do like them (okay, Otto loves his dad) and we rarely get to see them and it has been about 3 years since we have seen them last. So, I have basically cancelled all of our previous plans so that we can have a fun, Comin-filled weekend!
I am excited to be doing something that is so spur of the moment, and I am a little anxious too because I won't have complete control over the plans (this is new for me), but I am soooooo excited that they decided to come and visit us and I know that we will have tons of fun with them!
Wish me luck. . . I plan on being spontaneous!

What am I teaching my children?

Last night I went to a teacher training meeting held by my church. In my church I am part of a presidency that is in charge of teaching the children. Our president thought that it would be a good idea for the three of us and all of the teachers to attend this meeting so that we can learn how to be better teachers for the children in our care. Well, besides us, only one other teacher showed up and so the president was disappointed, but I still believe that it was a very interesting night.
There were lots of different teaching methods shown in the class and lots of great information given. However, the one thing that I really took home with me was the question that I kept on asking myself the whole night. . . What am I teaching MY own children and am I teaching them enough?
I have 5 beautiful living children who are living in such an ugly time. I just get a sick feeling inside whenever I think about what my children are exposed to and what they will be exposed to. I want my children to be able to grow up with a sense of worth and a sense of well being and I just don't think that I am doing enough to give them this. I know that it is now time to sit my oldest two girls down and talk about the facts of life. They are in second and third grade, but I am scared that if I wait too long that someone else will do it first and I believe that I need to teach them about the morals and standards that come along with the knowledge about sex.
I know that my girlies are going to learn about all of the socially acceptable views on sex in school and I want to be able to teach them what WE believe the standards are when it comes to this. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that sleeping around is okay and I don't want my children to think that just because we believe that others have the right to make their own choices that those choices are necessarily the right ones. They need to learn at a young age that just because society says that it is alright that it isn't. I know that my children are being taught about all sorts of things that I don't agree with and I just wish that I had more time until I had to protect my children.
I have been waging a silent battle in my mind for quite a while about this. I have heard and seen children accepting the lack of morals and values for too long. I need to teach my children who they are and where they come from and where they are going. I need to arm them now with the tools that they will need when the time does come that they will be taught something in school that is contrary to what we believe. I need to arm them with the knowledge that just because an adult says that it is true, it may not be true for them. I need to teach my children that the one person who will never lead them astray is the Lord and that they need to ask Him for help when they are faced with two conflicting points of view. I need to teach my children how to love the scriptures and to not just read them. This was not something that I was taught as a child. I was taught that we needed to read the scriptures and I remember being constantly challenged to read the Book of Mormon. However, I was never taught how to STUDY the scriptures and I believe that that knowledge is a great tool in the defence against all of the crap that is thrown at us every day.
I need to teach my children NOW. I feel a sudden urgency. I don't know why I feel it, but I do and I know that it will not be easy and it is going to get uncomfortable for a little bit, but how can I stand before God when I die and tell him that I did my best as a parent when I didn't do everything in my power to protect my children in these days??? These are my children and my family and I need to do whatever I can to protect and help them.

Me and my boys

So Otto went out of town this weekend with my Grandpa Bennion to help him drive back Grandpa's RV. I had a catering job to do this weekend, and so because of this, my Grandma Bennion has had my girlies sleep over at her house all weekend. I was so excited for them to be able to do this because I remember when I used to have sleep overs at my Grandma Bennion's house. She always did something special with me and I always felt as though there was someone who understood me. I remember that I would fall asleep feeling so loved and content. . . I know that my girlies are having the same experience.
Because of this, I am having a fun time being at home with just my two little guys. It has been fun to be here with just the two boys. Dustin and I have watched some DVD's, played computer games, cleaned, played games and just had some fun times together. It has been a weird feeling only having two kids at home. It is alot quieter and I am able to get the house cleaned without having it undone almost instantly. I have been enjoying playing with my two little guys so much, but it is weird knowing that not everyone is at home. Dustin couldn't be happier!! He has LOVED having special mommy time. And even though it has been nice to have some peace and quiet and get some things done, I have missed having my girlies and my husband. It just isn't the same to not have Abby watching Hannah Montana, or Anne playing Webkinz World, or Caroline telling me something cheeky. I can't wait until next weekend when we get to spend lots of time as a family and we get to have lots of fun with my cousins!
One of the things that I love about having a large family is doing things together. There is always someone to hang out with and someone to talk to. I love being able to go for walks together as a family and to play games in the evenings together. I love it when we go on trips and each child likes something different about the trip. I can't wait until we go to San Diego this summer because I just know that my kids are going to have SO MUCH FUN!!
So, even though it has been nice to spend some time with my two little handsoms, I can't wait until my Big Guy and my girlies come home!

In Love

Yep, I'm in love. It's true. I am in love with several people actually. It's okay with me if my husband finds out because he is definately one of the people that I am in love with. It's amazing to me that we have been together for 10 years and we are both so happy and we are still in love after having 5 babies and our little angel. It's amazing to me how much I rely on him and how much he does for our family. My siblings seem to think that he is a saint for being able to be married to me, and maybe he is, but I sure do love him.
I am also in love with a beautiful 8 year old girl. As it is getting closer to my own birthday, I have been reflecting on the day when she first came into the world. I was so excited and anxious to have her, and she has blessed my life in so many ways. I love how much she is like me and how well we get along. I love her love for children and her willingness to help out all of the time. I love how she wants to share every little detail of her life with me and I love how she can get along with boys as well as girls.
I love another little girl who is also about to have a birthday. I love how this little girl is so very much a girl and yet is an engineer at the same time. I love how she can be playing barbies or littlest pet shop one minute and then timing herself doing math problems the next minute. I love how beautiful she is on the inside as well as on the outside. I love how she will just come up to me and give me a hug, or tell me that she loves me. I truly love this little princess.
Believe it or not, I am also in love with a monkey. Not just any monkey, but one with blonde hair, blue eyes and is an exact replica of her father. I love how her speech isn't quite perfect, even though I know it is a struggle for her. I LOVE how cheeky she is and how she always tries to get people to laugh. I love how she can play with her sisters, but she is also best friends with her little brother. I love how she tries to be just like me. I love that she loves to cook and that we made Strawberry Shortcake yesterday together and she was sooooo excited!!
Besides Otto, I have two other little men in my life that I am also in love with. The older one is Trouble with a capital T!! I love his beautiful eyes, and his sparkling personality. SOMETIMES I love how he is constantly in motion and how he needs to discover everything about life. I love how he always holds the door open for his mama. I love how much he misses me when I am gone. I love how he is so particular about things. I love how much he loves to count everything and is starting to want to learn letters. I love the fact that I know that he will be smarter than me by the time that he is 5 years old. I just can't help it.
The other little man that I am in love with doesn't really do much right now except squeak. I love that about him. I also love to just sit and cuddle with my little squeaky. I love his crooked smile. I love that he is such a fighter. I love the fact that his hair is so blonde that it looks as though he has no eyelashes, eyebrows or hair! I love how he just lays there completely still when I am talking to him, as though he is absorbing everything I say. I love how wonderful he is and how helpless he is right now.
Last, but definately not least, I am in love with a little girl that I haven't ever really gotten to meet. I love the fact that I am the only one that got to spend time with her while I was pregnant. I love the fact that she has brought Otto and I closer together. I love the fact that she has brought the whole family closer together. I love that I will get to raise her one day. I love to think about my other baby, even though sometimes it hurts so much that I can't stand it. I love to think that she is Lee's little guardian angel and that she has been with him through all of his trials as a baby. I love to see a Robin outside and think that it is my little Robin saying "Hello". I love her even though I only got to see her tiny broken little body. I can't even explain how much I love her.
It is amazing to me that I can be so in love with so many people. It makes me feel blessed that I can have all of these amazing people in my life. I have been having a few tough days because the one year anniversary of the stillborn birth of Robin in coming up on the 15th and it has made me think about her alot. Even though she was born still, she has been a huge blessing in my life and in the life of my family. It is amazing how much love you can feel for the little souls that you bring into the world. I am very humbled and blessed to have them all be a part of my life.

Family is What Matters Most

The one thing that I have learned over this past year is how important my family is to me. I don't know what I would have done without them when Robin was born, when I was putting in new flooring in my old house, when I was cleaning and organizing the old house to get it ready to show, when I moved and especially at this holiday season.
I was very fortunate to marry the most wonderful husband whom I love deeply. We are best friends and we are soooooo very different from each other that for some reason it seems to work!! This past weekend we were able to have Otto's brother Jason and his family come and sleep over for one night. Jason and his wife Lisa have 6 boys and their babies are twins. They came on Friday so that they could take their older boys to go see a Christmas Carol here in Calgary. It was fun being able to play with all of them and to have them here. Otto and I took turns calming the twins down because if one wasn't crying, the other one was until they finally went to sleep at about 9:30. It was fun, but it made me really feel for Lisa and wonder how she ever gets anything done!! She is amazing!! I loved hearing my kids playing the Wii with their cousins and having a fooseball tournament! On Saturday, while I was either cooking or cleaning I would just listen to all of the laughter and the commotion that was going on (Otto and Jason left us with all 10 kids while they went shopping). My house has never had so many boys in it, but all of the kids had so much fun and I really enjoyed spending that time with Jason and Lisa. I was kind of sad when they left because the house got really quiet again and I realized how much I love spending time with them.
On Sunday we invited my family to come over for dinner because I really wanted my mom and dad to see my house all decorated at Christmas time. My mom collects nativities and she loves Christmas just as much as I do and so I was so excited to show her my nativities and my decorations that I was able to do this year. We counted and it turns out that I have 44 nativity sets that are all unique from each other. Some of them come from Cambodia and other countries from the east, some are made out of unique materials, some represent different cultures and some are just cutsie!! I love it when all of my nativity sets are up and all of my lights and garlands are out. It makes me feel all warm and cozy inside. It was so nice to have my parents, Kristin and my brother Jason with his wife Suzanne (yes, both Otto and I have brothers named Jason. . . . ask me about my in-laws name one time and you will see how confusing my life can get sometimes!!) and their little dog Max come over. Max and our dog Zeke are pals and it is so fun to watch them play together. They are like two brothers who play, wrestle and hang out when they get together. It is really fun! My kids may not have any cousins on this side yet, but it seems as though my dog does!
Having so much family come over this weekend has really made me appreciate how blessed I am to have so many loved ones. I just feel grateful that I am part of these two families and having Robin has really made me have a deeper love for them. After having my sweet little angel baby, I have realized that the most important thing to me is my family and they may frustrate me at times, but I truly do love them and I love spending so much time with them.

Weekend

I have had the opportunity to think about alot of things this weekend. These past few weeks, I have heard rumors about a friend of mine. I didn't know whether or not they were true, and it was bothering me that so many people felt as though they had to "weigh in" on the rumor without even knowing whether or not it was true. This person has always been special to me and we have always remained friends over the years. So, I emailed them to ask if the rumor was true. I felt really akward being so forward and direct about such a sensitive topic, but I felt as though I owed it to them to find out directly from the source whether or not it was true. My friend was very sweet in their reply and answered my question and made sure that I knew how much they appreciated me coming to them. I am glad that I went directly to my friend because after I had my little baby Robin, apparently alot of people were all wondering why I couldn't tell that she had died. Instead of asking me this question directly, I had to hear it through the grapevine and it really hurt my feelings that people wouldn't just ask me that themselves. I know that people are trying to be sensitive when they talk about things like that, but I would have really appreciated someone asking me directly instead of it going around the whole city with no one actually wanting to find out for sure. When that happened to me, it made me realize how hurtful gossip can be, even when we think that we are sparing others feelings.
This weekend, my sister, Amanda and her husband Dayln came down for Friday night and Saturday. My brother Jason, his wife Suzanne, my sister Kristin and her friend Elise all came over and we hung out for the evening. It was really fun. It was really neat for me to realize that we actually do alot of things with my siblings now that they are older and starting to get married. I never thought that this day would come because when we were growing up we were all so different from each other and we fought all the time. I really hope that my kids can grow up to be close to their siblings because it is really important to me to have the family spend time together.
As Christmas time gets closer, and I keep getting more and more excited for the holidays, I have begun to decorate my house for Christmas. Some people have told me that this is a bit early, but then again, they don't know me very well and so they don't know that I have actually been buying Christmas presents since August. Silly people. In my family it has always been tradition to have each of the kids have their own Christmas trees. In our house, we decided that it would work better if each of the kid's bedrooms had their own trees. That will bring the grand total of Christmas trees in our house to 5. Not quite the 7 that my mom had when I was growing up, but give me a few more years and we will see!! For Abby and Anne's room, I bought this gorgeous 7' tall white christmas tree with white LED fiber optic lights from Costco. I then went out yesterday with Amanda, Dayln and Kristin and bought a whole bunch of silver, blue and purple christmas decorations. . . . with sparkly ones of course. This tree is every little girl's dream tree, I think. We have decided to call it the Snow Princess tree because it sparkles so much and we even found sparkling tiara ornaments that are on the tree. It really is a beautiful tree. Caroline is lucky enough to get the tree that I had when I was growing up and all of the leaves on that tree are made out of aluminium. It is a really pretty tree, and I remember how excited I was every year to decorate it. She also gets all of my old ornaments, which I think she will like because they are all pink and silver and white. Dustin's tree is a fiber optic tree that changes color. . . . I can't wait to see him at night once it is turned on!!
I have decided to do a memorial tree for Robin. I call it my Angel tree. I have ordered a bunch of angel ornaments from Willow Tree and I am excited for them to arrive so that I can decorate my tree. It is going to be hard to go through Christmas, this year, knowing that we are missing someone, but hopefully we will be able to feel as though Robin is with us when we look at this tree. It is a really weird feeling that I get inside when I think about Christmas because I am so excited, but it really makes me miss my little baby that I should have had. We will not have an infant to play baby Jesus in the Christmas Eve Nativity this year, and so I am dreading Christmas Eve just a little bit because of that. It will be hard.
Well, I seem to have written a novel today, and maybe that is because I haven't written for a couple of days, or maybe that is because most of my family is now sick and this is the few minutes of peace that I seem to be able to steal away for myself. Either way, thanks for taking the time to read this one.