All jumbled up inside. . .

It is always with mixed emotions that I celebrate Mother's Day. I actually couldn't write this post yesterday because I was afraid of how it would turn out because I was a mess of emotions. It was Mother's Day weekend, two years ago, that I found out that Robin had died. It was two years ago this Mother's Day weekend that I went through the hardest trial of my life! My entire world was changed forever, two years ago and so I always feel a whole mess of emotions on Mother's Day.
After I had Robin I made myself a promise that even though I would always miss my sweet Angel Baby, I would still live for my living children. I promised myself that I wouldn't live in the tragedy that was her birth, but that I would make sure that I didn't put my loss above the wonderful blessings that are my 5 other babies. Even though I still think about Robin almost every single day, I am still able to have joy and happiness in my life. I sincerely hope that my children don't think that I have put her above them, because I have made such an effort to really show all of my children how much I love them.
That is why Mother's Day is so hard for me. It reminds me of the hardest day of my life, but on the other hand, I love that my children celebrate it. Otto made Crepes for breakfast and I got a ton of handmade gifts that the kids did at school and then I got some great Mother's Day gifts (including Bernard Callabaut chocolates) and spent the evening at my parent's house with my extended family. I had fun and it was a good day. I did miss Robin terribly, but I couldn't help by participate in the festivities. It was sooooo much fun!
The only hard part was the fact that I felt just about every emotion that I could feel. It also made me realize that Robin's birthday is coming up on Friday and Otto is going out of town and I don't know if I can get through this on my own. I didn't realize this last week when we all decided when Otto and Jason were going to go out of town to open up the cabin. I don't know how I am going to get through it, but I know that I will have to, and that I will have to do it alone. . . . I just can't wait for this week to be over!