I had my Aunt Judi come over just after Lee was born to take some pictures of Lee and the kiddies. Here is the link to her website in case you would like to check out the pictures. Thanks Aunt Judi!!!!
http://julee.smugmug.com/Portraits
Well, we're still here at the hospital. I am keeping my finger crossed that we will go home by this weekend. Here's hoping!!
Yay!! It looks as though Lee has turned a corner and is getting better! He has been in the hospital since Thursday and today we are getting transferred out of the ICU. The doctors think that if his breathing rate goes down today that they can take his feeding tube out and he can breastfeed again. They also think that if he continues to get better that he will probably be able to go home either Monday or Tuesday. This makes me excited because every day he looks less and less like a robot and more and more like a baby.
Well, it looks as though this Easter isn't going to happen exactly as I planned it. I am at home right now for about 1/2 an hour to pick up some things before going back to the hospital to be with Lee. He is in the Children's Hospital at the tender age of 2 weeks. Every little inch of his body is either attached to some sort of wire or else it has a scab on it from where they drew blood for his blood work. It is painful to see an I.V. sticking out of his tiny head, and to see the marks from all of the wires and monitors. However, if this makes him better, it will be worth it! I love my little guy and we are praying that he will get better soon! I will keep you posted as things progress, but as of right now he is in the ICU and it looks as though he is going to be there for quite a while!
You know, I have decided that I may not be a "Good Mom" at the moment, but I do have one saving grace. I married well. Whatever I lack in the motherhood department, my husband more than makes sure he covers in the fatherhood department.
Otto has taken this whole week off so that he could be at home to help me out. This has been the only time that he has been able to do that, and I am so grateful. I LOVE having Otto at home. It makes me wish that he didn't ever have to go to work. I know that some wives love to have their husbands go to work because they need the space, but honestly, if I could have Otto at home all the time, I would be the happiest person in the whole world. We are very different people, and for some reason it works for us. We have always been a team, especially when it has come to our children. I don't think that I could have ever asked for a better father for my children.
I always think that it is funny that my siblings think that Otto is a saint for being able to be married to me for so long. When Otto and I first got married, it was hard on both Otto and my siblings because of our different backgrounds. Otto is the baby of his family and so he was never used to having to be an example and watch the things that he said and watch his actions. My siblings had never had so much contact with someone who grew up with such a completely different background from us. It was hard for a couple of years, but as my siblings have gotten older, and Otto and I have made sure that we have been a part of their lives, the relationship between all of them is now wonderful. It is almost as though Otto has always been part of the family and my siblings see him as another brother.
I would have to say that the biggest compliment that I have gotten about my big guy came from my father this weekend. My dad and I were talking about life and changes and he told me that I should never worry about my finances because Otto is such a hard worker and he would make sure that we would never hurt ourselves financially. He said that he knew that Otto would take up a night job if he had to so that we could make our ends meet. I just thought that that was such a compliment that my dad doesn't worry about Otto and I and that he knows that Otto will always step up and take care of his family. I have always known that, but it does feel good to know that my parents know that, as well.
The reason that I have written this post is because I just feel blessed to have my big guy. We are having our 10 year anniversary this September and so I have spent alot of this year thinking about him and our lives together. I have NEVER complained about Otto as a husband and a father. I have NOTHING to complain about in that department. It is amazing to me when I look back at everything that we have been through together and I sometimes wonder how we have gotten through it all. I still don't have the answers to that, but I do know that it has made us stronger and grow closer, and my children are very lucky to have the father that they have!
Lately, I have been wondering what the title "Good Mom" really means. What actually qualifies someone as a "Good Mom". I mean I know what qualifies someone to be a "Bad Mom" like abuse, neglect, etc, but the definition of a "Good Mom" seems to elude me.
I can tell that my kids have not thought that I have been a "Good Mom" lately. I have been getting some complaints from them in that department. Here, let me give you some examples:
Abby - she thinks that she needs to remind me that I need to feed Lee every time he cries. She feels that if she doesn't tell me that he is hungry that I won't feed him. Boy are we sure lucky she is around so much or that poor baby would starve because it would never cross my mind that I actually need to feed the baby! Thanks Abby!
Anne - on Monday Anne was feeling sick at school and decided to call home so that I could go and pick her up from school. I just had a c-section and so I am still not driving. My mom has been staying here with me. Well, one of us must have been on the phone when Anne called and she got the answering machine. Anne has never gotten the answering machine before and so she didn't know what it was. When Anne did get home, after school, she immediately came up to me and said, "You know mom when the phone rang and you answered it and said to leave a name and number? Well, that was me! I was calling to tell you to pick me up from school. You shouldn't just say to leave your name and number if you don't know who it is first!" She was LIVID that I would tell her to leave her name and number instead of talking to her. . . she didn't know it wasn't me.
Caroline - well, she just always tells me that I am mean and she doesn't like me. I am looking forward to at least 15 - 20 more years of that
Dustin - I know that he is wondering why I would dare bring another baby boy into the house when I already had one? I think that he is feeling usurped because he is continuously acting out.
I guess that the only one who actually thinks that I might be a "Good Mom" right now is Lee. He is cuddled, fed (but with reminders from Abby of course), clean, happy, and basically content. I am sure that as time goes on and as the kids adjust to having our new little brother that maybe I won't be seen as such a bad guy. Maybe they will come around and realize that they are still loved and that I would do anything for them. Because, I guess when it all comes down to it being a "Good Mom" to me means that you love and cherish your children the best way that you know how. So maybe I am still a "Good Mom" after all.
I know that for the next little while my posts are going to probably be about Lee. I don't want to be obnoxious, but as I have stated before, the whole purpose that I have created this blog is so that I can keep a journal about the lives of my kids. Having Lee is a major part of what is going on in their lives right now.
I was thinking today about Lee. I was thinking about how much he is a part of our family. I have been told many times that there is nothing like having your first baby. While I do remember all of the feelings that I had when I had Abby, I still have the same feelings for Lee. It's not as though the more children you have, the less you love them. . . I mean, if someone asked me to give one up, who would I choose? I just don't agree with the fact that after you have more than one child that you somehow love them less. I KNOW my Aunt Christie will agree with me on this! She knows what I am talking about!
Another thing that has been so nice with having Lee is the fact that he is my 6th baby. Because of this, the doctors and nurses have seemed to take me more seriously. When I asked for some formula to help supplement Lee after he was done breastfeeding, there were no arguments. I knew what I needed to have set out when I got home. I knew what kind of help I would need after Lee was born. I know what his cries mean. I knew that I would have problems producing milk, so I knew to ask the doctor for a perscription for motillium.
It is really nice to already know how to do so many things for this baby. It has made it really relaxing to have Lee around because I am not questioning everything and wondering if I am doing everything right. I have already pretty much figured it all out.
It is sad, however, to know that I will never have this experience again. Because of this, I spend alot of time trying to drink everything all in. I try and remember the feel of his skin and his fuzzy hair. I am trying to memorize what his cry sounds like, and the way his eyes look and his hands and his toes. These are things that I know that one day I will forget. However, for right now, I am trying to savor every moment!
You know, Otto and I have been married for almost 10 years now. In that time I have realized something. It seems as though when we want to make a small change in our lives, like having a baby, or moving, or graduating University, we seem to not just be able to change one small aspect of our lives. It seems as though all the big changes want to come at once.
One week from tonight will be the day before Lee is born. For me, having this baby is going to be a huge change. I will be back in baby mode with diaper changes, waking up in the middle of the night, burping a baby, getting all of his immunizations done, etc. I haven't done that in awhile, and it actually hasn't quite hit me yet that there is actually a baby in there. I mean, I can feel him move and everything, but I think that because of Robin, I haven't let myself quite bond with him yet because I am still so scared that something will go wrong. So far, this pregnancy has been a dream (with the exception of when I got dizzy, of course) and it hardly seems real that my little guy will be here in just over a week.
Otto and I are also working on some other big changes right now that will affect our family. They are both exciting and scary at the same time. I have always been a big supporter of my husband, and my thought has always been that if Otto is happy, then our family will be happy. I love my husband so much and I couldn't ask for a better man to raise our children with and to be with forever. I know that he is trying to make the best decision for our family and I am praying for him.
Another big change is the fact that my Abby is getting baptized. I know that I have written about this before, and I remember my mom saying how she couldn't believe it when I was old enough to get baptized. I didn't understand what the big deal was back then, but now I do. For me, this is the beginning of a new phase in life. My children are starting to be able to experience some neat things. It is so weird to see them grow up so fast. I remember the days when they were all babies (they are still pretty young) and I thought that they would never grow up. Abby and Anne asked me the other day if I wished that they were young again. I laughed and told them that they are still young because they are only 6 and 7 right now. Then they asked if I wished that they were still babies because they know how much I love babies. I told them that sometimes I do miss having a tiny baby (but I am about to have one), but that I am having so much more fun with them now. I LOVE that Abby jumped off the highest cliff last summer and learned how to wakeboard. I love listening to her practise the cello. I love listening to Anne practise the piano. I love watching Anne dance, or listen to her asking me math problems. I love listening to them talk to each other in spanish when they don't want me to know what they are saying. These are the reasons I love being their mommy. I love to watch them grow up and see what they are becoming.
The last big change that I am dealing with is the fact that we are not going to be having any more children. We will have 5 living children and 1 angel, and I truly do believe that everyone who was supposed to come to our family will now be here. Otto and I will have one of the largest families in the ward, and we are probably one of the younger couples in the ward, but I am a bit sad to leave this phase of my life behind. I have spent pretty much all of my 20's being pregnant. It will be hard for me to know that there will not be any more little Comin's running around (unless Otto's brother and sister-in-law surprise us all). I know that we are done, and I know that this is the right thing, and I guess that I will just have to be the favorite auntie for all of my neices and nefews on my side! I will put my siblings to shame!!! They will have NO idea on how to compete with me for the title of favorite auntie, because I will probably be like another grandma to their children. . . . I mean. . . . you can never have too many grandmother figures right???
Anyways, like I said, Otto and I do seem to change everything at once. It always makes me excited and nervous at the same time, but I know that in the end Otto and I will be together with our family and we will be happy!
Okay, so lately I have been pondering. . . . my cousin Michelle would be so proud! Here are the questions that I have been mulling over recently. If any of you have any answers, please LET ME KNOW!!
1- What is it about being pregnant that makes you love your baby so much? I mean think about it, for the first little while (and for some women, the whole time) you feel gross and sick and nausious. Then you get to feel pretty good, just frumpy and tired. And you finish it off with feeling like a whale, retaining water, not sleeping because the ponch is so huge, peeing all the time and eating 5x the food that you normally do. To finish it off you either get to endure the worst pain that you have ever felt in your life or, if you are lucky like me, you end it off with major surgery that takes 6 weeks to recover from. Yet, you are excited, full of love and anxious to meet your little baby, and when it is all over it was worth it!
2 - Why do you love that little baby so much when it is born? I mean, think about it, it doesn't do anything except cry, eat, sleep and poop for the first couple of months. . . and yet, all you do is brag about it and even though you don't sleep at night, you love that little baby more than anything in this world!
3 - Why is it often the mothers who work full time and leave their kids with others who are the most competitive? I have run into this situation alot! I have a really hard time with mothers who compare their children to others and try to start competing with them. I love my children whether they are the smartest kid in the class, or the dumbest! They are still my child!
4 - Why is it that as women we feel as though we have to do it all? For some reason, our culture has started telling women that we not only have to have a family and have children, but we also have to be extremely successful at our careers. This really bothers me. I mean, what about the women who don't want, or can't have their own families? Are they considered failures? And what about the women who choose to have a family and not work? Are they the scum of society because they live off of their husband's income? Sometimes I feel as though I am looked at like that because I am young, I have a bunch of children (I was married to their father before I started having them too. . . .which apparently is rare) and I stay at home. You should see the looks I get when I have all of my babies with me! And then people actually make comments when they find out how old I am.
5 - Is money really the root of all evil? This is something that I have wondered my entire life. When I was young, my parents had NO MONEY!! My dad was in school, and even for quite awhile after he graduated they didn't have any money. But they sacrificed and took some calculated risks and it ended up paying off. I am quite proud of my parents for where they are now, and I look to them as an example. However, I do know quite a few people in my church who look at my parents and others like them and think that my parents think that they are better than them. In fact, my parents don't even really think about it at all. In fact, if there was anyone who I would think of as extremely generous and giving with their money, it would be my parents. I have a really hard time when people label other people who have money. It actually has destroyed a couple of my friendships.
6 - Is the old saying "It takes a village to raise a child" really true? I mean in this day and age do we have villages that are worthy of helping us raise our children, or should that responsibility fall more upon us as parents? I love that my children go to a wonderful school where they are not only taught another language, but they are taught about the cultures that go along with that language. However, there are quite a few things that I do not agree with, so I make sure that I teach my children those lessons at home. And I love that we have the religion and the faith that we do have, but I think that it is better that my children learn most of what we believe in from Otto and I rather than relying solely on the church to teach it to them.
Maybe my thoughts are a bit skewed. . . I don't know. I would, however, like to know what your thoughts are on some of these questions! Let me know what you think!!!
