Play

Well, we are starting our weekend a little bit early this week because my cousin Christopher is getting married to a wonderful girl named Kelsey. We are so excited for him and we wish the two of them all the best! We are driving down to the farm tonight and meeting my Aunt and her kids down there. My kids are so excited to play with my cousins!!! And I am excited to play with them too! I forsee a weekend with fun, cousins, playing, dirt, new sod for my yard (sorry I had to throw that in there because I am soooooo excited!!!!) and fun (oh wait, did I already mention that???)! Well here's wishing that everyone has a great weekend. . . .even if you can't start it a little bit early!

Me and my boys

So Otto went out of town this weekend with my Grandpa Bennion to help him drive back Grandpa's RV. I had a catering job to do this weekend, and so because of this, my Grandma Bennion has had my girlies sleep over at her house all weekend. I was so excited for them to be able to do this because I remember when I used to have sleep overs at my Grandma Bennion's house. She always did something special with me and I always felt as though there was someone who understood me. I remember that I would fall asleep feeling so loved and content. . . I know that my girlies are having the same experience.
Because of this, I am having a fun time being at home with just my two little guys. It has been fun to be here with just the two boys. Dustin and I have watched some DVD's, played computer games, cleaned, played games and just had some fun times together. It has been a weird feeling only having two kids at home. It is alot quieter and I am able to get the house cleaned without having it undone almost instantly. I have been enjoying playing with my two little guys so much, but it is weird knowing that not everyone is at home. Dustin couldn't be happier!! He has LOVED having special mommy time. And even though it has been nice to have some peace and quiet and get some things done, I have missed having my girlies and my husband. It just isn't the same to not have Abby watching Hannah Montana, or Anne playing Webkinz World, or Caroline telling me something cheeky. I can't wait until next weekend when we get to spend lots of time as a family and we get to have lots of fun with my cousins!
One of the things that I love about having a large family is doing things together. There is always someone to hang out with and someone to talk to. I love being able to go for walks together as a family and to play games in the evenings together. I love it when we go on trips and each child likes something different about the trip. I can't wait until we go to San Diego this summer because I just know that my kids are going to have SO MUCH FUN!!
So, even though it has been nice to spend some time with my two little handsoms, I can't wait until my Big Guy and my girlies come home!

Eye Spy with my Little Eye. . . .

Well, it's official. . . .Lee can see!!! YAY!!! That was GOOD news! He had an eye appointment this morning and they did a very thorough eye exam and it turns out that Lee has perfect vision. I was so relieved that it took me awhile to understand what the doctor was trying to tell me. So here's the dropping of the other shoe. Lee is behind in his development. They say that this could be because his birth and the first few weeks were so traumatic and that he will eventually catch up. OR it could be neurological. He is too young for them to want to do an MRI because they would have to put him under with a general anisthetic and there could be some complications with that that they don't want to risk if they don't have to. So, I have another eye appointment for Lee in two months from now to see if he catches up developmentally. I am praying that he does, but if it turns out that Lee does have something wrong in his brain, I will do whatever it takes to help him.
Isn't that what mothers are for? I feel like I am a warrior for my children sometimes and right now I feel as though I am getting ready to fight in a battle for my son. I have never been the smartest soldier, or the quickest, but I always fight my hardest. . . and. . . well . . . I am pretty stubborn. This may help my little guy or it may not, but it's the only thing I know how to do. I love my little baby. I have already lost one and I don't plan on losing another one!! I know that whatever happens Lee and I will face it together and we will work our hardest to make his life as wonderful and fulfilling as possible!!
Oh, and on another note. . . . my sister Jenna just got a job at an inflateable house rental place and now my kids think that she is probably the coolest person who ever walked the face of the earth. . .. the only thing that would make her cooler is if she actually turned into Hannah Montana . . . well or Thomas the Tank Engine!

Play it forward

Okay, so I have to admit that I LOVE games!! I am a true gamer. I love board games, electronic games, word games, math games, puzzles. . . .you name it, I LOVE it! So my friend Jamie played this little game where she had people write a comment on her blog and if they did it then they were entered to win a prize. Well, I won one and so now I get to do the other part of the game which is to play it forward. So this is how it goes:
To enter this little contest, simply post a comment in reply to this post. . . . it can say anything from "Woot Woot!" to "Megan is the coolest" and just about anything in between. On June 1st I will take the names of all of the people who have commented (so be sure to leave your name) and I will put your names into a draw. On June 1st I will pull 2 names out of a hat/box/bag or whatever I just happen to have around and if I draw your name I will send you a little culinary delight! The only catch is that if you win, you have to play it forward. If you don't have a blog, you can do it through email or facebook, or whatever you want. If you want me to link to your blog, just let me know!! I would LOVE to read it!
Anyways, post a little somethin' somethin' and lets get playing!!!!

Memoir

OK, so my Aunt Christie tagged me. . . . I think that this is like a blogger's version of the game tag, so because I am "IT" right now, I have to do the following:

1. Write the title to your own memoir using 6 words.
2. Post it on your blog.
3. Link to the person that tagged you.
4. Tag five more blogs.

Ok, so hmmmmmm. . . let me think. . . . . a title for my memoir. . ..

How did I get all these kids! (Nope, that's 7 words)

I can't wait until tomorrow. . . . (hmmmm, only 5)

Life is like a musical (again 5, but so true!)

Family, Fun, Friends and Forever (I must really like the number 5, but there is good use of alliteration here!)

Life is Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows. (it is sometimes, but not always)

Hmmmmm, this is harder than I thought. . . . . I just might have to get back to this.
However, I will tag others in the mean time:
Suzanne
Lahni
Jamie
Michelle
and Jenna (even though she doesn't have a blog)

Have fun!

Reflections

Today is Sunday. Okay, so that is obvious. But it always seems to me that on Sundays I take the time to sit and reflect on the past week. Right now my neighbors are outside and are probably wondering why we are all at home and not working on the fence. (This EXTREMELY STABLE fence has been a great trial in my life for the past two days!!) In any case, I am not outside helping build the fence, rather I am enjoying a few peaceful minutes all by myself.
Today in church I sang a song by Sally DeFord called Gethsemane. It has beautiful words and the melody is a little bit haunting, which I love. I chose to sing this song because it talks all about the Atonement. Over these past couple of years, I have really come to start to understand just what the Atonement of Jesus Christ really is. I never really knew all that it encompassed, and I feel more and more humbled at the thought if it each time I learn something new.
I have had an interesting week starting with Lee's eye appointment to see if there is anything wrong with his vision, followed by a great day of piano lessons where almost all of my students actually practised, then onto my Activity Days where I taught 20 8 - 11 year old girls how to be the coolest babysitters ever and make babysitting kits, Thursday was my angelversary and I have already written about it, Friday was the beginning of the yard, and yesterday was Anne's birthday and the fence saga.
This week has been full of ups and downs and busy moments and sad moments and wonderful moments, and all of this has made me reflect on my blessings. I LOVE birthdays because it makes me remember the day that my children were born and how much I love and appreciate them. I love my parents and siblings and all of the love and support they give me. I love my grandparents who come to my ward just to hear me sing. I love my wonderful husband and the constant support and love that he gives to me. I love my little girls and my two little men who are growing up way too fast in my opinion. I love my extended family and how much they care about me. I love the religion and the beliefs that I have. I love that I live in a free country where I can write and read whatever I want to. I love my good friends who go out with me for manicures and pedicures. I love my old friends who I don't always get to see but when I do get to we have a blast!! I love music and the peace that it brings into my life. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have music as such a big part of my life.
Isn't it amazing how we can have such ups and downs but the things that mean the most to us are always there?
Just some reflections.

Interesting

Well, I made it. I made it through one of the hardest days of my life. Thanks to all of you, my family and friends for your thoughts and kind words. I know that this whole ordeal would have been much harder without so many people to lean on.
I had alot of tough moments yesterday, but is was so nice to have Otto home so that I could just retreat. We did take the kids and to visit Robin's grave yesterday and it was very peaceful and nice. Here is what I found to be interesting though. As we were walking around looking at the other grave sites (Abby's friend who was killed at Christmastime along with her father are buried close to Robin) we came across a spot where alot of infants and young children are buried. We could tell that babies were buried there because as we looked around the cemetery there were flowers at some of the grave sites and a few mementos here and there, but when we looked in the direction of the "Garden of Angels" it was so colorful and covered in toys. As we looked at the various headstones we realized that there have been so many other families that have gone through or are going through what we are going through. Then we came across this one grave that had an MP3 player on it. Otto was amazed and I told him to look at the birth date of the child to see how old they would be now. Well, the child would have been 13 years old this year, so an MP3 player would probably be quite an appropriate gift to give them. After looking at all of the beautifully decorated grave sites I told Otto that I felt guilty because I didn't have toys or mementos on our baby's grave. In fact she still doesn't have a headstone (which I still feel guilty about but don't have the funds for yet). Otto said something to me that really stuck. He said that we don't need to have tons of presents at our baby's grave site because we don't believe that that is really her buried there. We know that her body is buried there, but we believe that her soul lives on.
This is true. In fact, this belief is what has gotten me through the loss of my sweet baby. And when I think about it, it does explain alot. You see, growing up I have had grandparents and uncles and aunts who have passed away. While we have mourned them, we haven't really stopped by their grave sites annually or even really at all. In fact, when I ask my grandparents and parents where the graves are, they don't know. Some may call this sad, but to me it really speaks to me because we truly do believe that once someone dies that that is not the end. We believe that we will get to see them again after we die, and we believe that it is just their body that is buried in the earth and not their soul.
When I visit the grave site of my sweet little baby, I feel so at peace. She is buried with my Nana (whom I also miss terribly), and so I also visit my Nana when I go there. Words cannot express how grateful I am that I have the hope that I can see the two of them again. I cannot imagine how someone would get through a loss of a loved one without that hope. And even though my daughter's grave is not the one with the most toys, flowers or mementos, hers is definitely one of the ones that is filled with the most love. And even though you can't see it when you go there and visit the grave, you can definitely feel it. . . . and in my opinion that is the best thing you can do to a grave site.

Angelversary

Well, today is the day. No matter what I have done, I haven't been able to stop this day from coming. I tried not sleeping, I tried filling my days with things that needed to be done, I tried not thinking about it, but none of it worked. For some reason today came. One year ago today my world was turned upside down as I delivered my little angel baby. She was born with a little broken body and she was so tiny. I really wish that she could have had a more perfect body, but she had died quite awhile before I noticed and so her body had started to break down.
The only pictures I have been able to look at of her this entire year are the ones of her hands and feet. They were so small and so fragile, and by the time I saw her at the funeral home, her hands and feet and shriveled up and didn't exist any more. I look at the picture of her two precious feet all the time and for some reason they bring me comfort.
I do have a really hard time thinking that my little Robin's tiny body is in the ground. It breaks my heart whenever the weather is bad because I think of her body weathering the elements. That doesn't seem right to me. She is supposed to be at home with me, all warm, cozy and loved. It has been so weird for me this year because no matter what I have been doing or celebrating, it has always felt as though someone is missing. I actually feel as though a piece of my heart isn't with me and that things don't feel complete without her.
I know that my Robin is waiting for me. I know that she is happy, and I hope that she knows how much we love her and miss her. Having her has changed me. There are some things that I used to take for granted that I don't any more. Big milestones in my children's lives mean alot more to me now. I have realized that I have needed my family more than I ever have before.
I appreciate my own mother more. As soon as we found out that Robin had died and was going to be born still, my mom never left my side. She was there basically from the moment I found out on the 11th until I went home from the hospital on the 15th and then right up until we buried Robin. I know that she was grieving too. She bought me several beautiful gifts for both me and Robin. One of which is my special locket which I rarely take off. These gifts mean so much to me, but they don't mean nearly as much as having my mom helping me through this whole experience does. I know that it has strengthened the bond that my mom and I have.
Even though having Robin has blessed me in many ways, on this angelversary I just might not notice the beautiful day we are having. I may not notice the sunshine shining brightly, or the birds singing, or the beautiful flowers as I walk by, because today I miss my little angel baby. Today is the one day that I wish that she was with me more than anything else in the whole world. Today that missing piece of my heart is hurting, and my goal is to just get through today.

Survivor

Yes, I have almost made it through today, and I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I am experiencing alot of anxiety over what may or may not happen tomorrow. It is an anniversary that I am actually not really that excited about because it will be the one year anniversary of the stillbirth of my little Robin. Otto is taking the afternoon off so that we can spend some time together without the kiddies just like we did right after she was born.
I don't really know what to expect for tomorrow, but I am a survivor, and I am sure that I will be able to survive tomorrow too.

Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was a day that we celebrate motherhood, and I also think that we celebrate womanhood in general on that day. Even though this is the day when I am supposed to feel pampered and appreciated and loved, I had a bit of a hard time. You see, one year ago from yesterday was the day that I found out that Robin had died and that I would have to deliver her. She ended up being born on the 15th because I decided to wait to be induced with her so that I could prepare myself for what was going to happen.
I did prepare myself as best as I could, and even though I have no regrets, nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of burying my sweet little baby. I think about her every day. Usually, I feel at peace and it is just a feeling of something missing. But on a few occasions, the pain of the loss of Robin has been incredibly hard. I miss her so much sometimes and on nights when it is especially miserable outside I cry because my little baby girl's body is buried in the ground and it is cold and miserable out there. I know that it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I have never been a terribly rational person.
Sometimes when I look at Lee I think about the fact that we wouldn't have gotten pregnant with him if we hadn't lost Robin. That, to me, is one of the blessings that I have been able to experience through this whole ordeal. Lee has never been a replacement for Robin, but we did feel as though there was still one more family member waiting to join us. Now that we have Lee, I feel as though all of our family members have been born to us. I feel as though I have fulfilled what I was supposed to fulfill. However, I don't feel complete. I constantly feel as though someone is missing. I don't like taking family photos because I always feel as though it doesn't really represent our family.
Like I said, I am not constantly depressed, but I do miss my little girl. Sometimes when I see little baby girl outfits I get a bit teary, or when people make comments on why Dustin and Lee are so far apart in age, it makes me sad. My girls sometimes burst into tears at the most random moments because they say that they miss their sister. It is so hard for me to console them because I miss her too.
It will always be hard for me to celebrate Mother's Day, I think because it will always remind me of the day that I found out that I lost my sweet little girl. But there is one thing that I know. Even though I have to wait until I die to see my Robin again, I do not love her any less than I would have if I had been able to raise her. She is one of my daughters and she will always be my sweet little angel baby. And one day. . . . yes, one day. . . .

Opposite

Okay, so I knew that I probably needed to write something today and so I decided to go to the trusted journal starters again and this very interesting question was the question of the day:
Who is your complete opposite and what is that person like?
Honestly, the person that I thought of was Otto. We are very different people; for instance look at the difference between the answers to the following questions that I found on a dating site (I am really asking Otto these questions without him seeing my answers):
1 - What is your favorite color?
M - brown
O -blue

2 - What is your favorite hobby?
M- singing or playing the piano
O - playing video games

3 - What is your favorite food?
M - it changes all the time
O - roast beef

4 - Best job?
M - chef at a golf course
O - garbage man

5 - Favorite movie star?
M - Harrison Ford
O - Jason Statham

6 - Best way to relax
M - bath, chocolate and a magazine
O - playing video games

7 - Favorite thing to spend money on?
M - my kids
O - Megan

8 - Favorite toppings on a pizza?
M - tomato and feta cheese
O -- everything

9 - Bath or shower?
M - BATH
O - Shower

10 - Favorite Movie?
M - Cool Runnings
O - the Transporter

Okay, so not all of them are quite opposite, but most of them are. It has always been interesting to me that Otto are so completely different and our backgrounds are so completely different, and yet we are very compatable and we work quite well together. I think that that is because when it comes to the BIG things, like how we want to raise our kids, our future goals, our religious beliefs etc, we are almost always on the same page. And I think that another reason we get along so well is because we have accepted the things that make us so different from each other and we try and use them to make our family better.
I love my big guy. . . even if he is almost the complete opposite of me!

Warm Fuzzies

I went to bed last night to the sound of downpouring rain. This might depress some people, but I just happen to LOVE the sound of rain on my window!! Lee had been fussy earlier that evening, so he was sleeping soundly by the time I was ready to go to bed, so I got to just lay there and enjoy the soft pitter patter of the rain.
This morning I knew that I had to go grocery shopping. It is a real hassle for me to go grocery shopping, so every two weeks I come up with a meal plan for those two weeks and then I go grocery shopping. It takes me about 3 hours to get it done, but I only have to do it twice a month. Well, when I got everyone ready to go, I noticed that it was still raining. I was so excited because with rain comes PUDDLES! I know that I am almost 30 years old and so I shouldn't still be getting so excited about puddles, but I do!! The best thing is when there is a HUGE puddle and you are coasting along in the van and you go right through the middle of it and is makes a HUGE spray!!! The kids and I love to go through those so much that I ask them if it would be okay if I could turn around and go through it again. I haven't had any objections so far! And the kids get SOOOOO excited when they see that it is raining because they know that mom will be on the lookout for the biggest puddles!!
Okay, so I finally got to the grocery store and got all of my shopping done, and when I came out it was foggy! And not just a bit of fog, but so foggy that I couldn't go faster then 50 km/hr on the road. (That is PAINFULLY slow for me!!!) Again, most people would complain, but not me. I was sitting in my car, grinning the whole way home. Why? Well because to me, the fog is just like a big, blanket. It seems to make everything seem smaller and more cozy. I love to hang around my house and drink herbal tea, sit in my pj's and read a good book. To me the fog and the rain feel like warm fuzzies flowing all through my body.
So, while the sun isn't shining today, I say we should all take a bit of a break, have a nice long bath, get into our pj's and curl up with a good book! What do you say?

Funniest Piano Lesson EVER!!

So as most of you know, I teach piano. I have 8 students that I teach on Tuesdays. It is nice to be able to basically only work one day a week and have enough money for my kids to be able to participate in their own lessons. However, sometimes I dread Tuesdays because out of my students I only have 3 girls, and 2 kids over the age of 10. It can make for some very long Tuesdays. I really do LOVE teaching piano though, because not only is it amazing to see the progress at the end of the year that the children have made, sometimes it can be alot of fun listening to them talk about their lives.
This week, in particular, was a HILARIOUS piano lesson. This little boy is Anne's age and his mom usually attends piano lessons with him. Yesterday, however, she didn't. So the two of us are sitting there and I am trying to convince him to play his song when all of a sudden his finger shoots up into his nose. I try to convince him to take it out, but he informs me that there is something in there that he wants to get out. So, I go over and get him a kleenex for him to use because he keeps on shoving his finger up his nose and then putting his hands on the keyboard of the piano. This is totally making me disgusted, so I start pleading with him to use the kleenex. Finally he relents when I tell him that maybe I should tell his mom about what he was doing because I know that she wouldn't like it. He makes a promise that if I don't tell his mom what he was doing that he would use the kleenex. Sounded reasonable to me. . . . until. . . .he decided to hold the kleenex in one hand and pick with the other hand. Who knew he could be so creative?? Well, I told him that that didn't count and so I was going to have to tell his mom, and so he said that he would stop.
So I got him to play his song for me, and while I was writing down what he needed to work on for his song, that finger found its way back into his nostril. I told him that he had broken his promise again and that I would have to tell his mom. He then said that he wouldn't break his promise again, and I asked him how I could be sure. That was when he informed me that it wouldn't be an issue because he had just retrieved the bothersome boogey that he had been digging around for. That was when I noticed that he was trying to find a place to put it. So, I told him that he could go and throw it away. Well, needless to say the boogey never made it to the garbage can. . . .
So then we are almost done our lesson when I hear the loudest fart I have ever heard come from a child. I turned and looked at him and he is just grinning!!! After I am able to compose myself and not laugh out loud, I told him that he should probably say "excuse me". He asked me if I was going to tell his mom if he didn't say it, and so I answered that I would. So he said excuse me. And then let out another fart. I asked him if he needed to use the bathroom and he said no, and he asked if he needed to say excuse me again. I informed him that he did.
Alright, I hope that you guys have found this story as funny as I did when it was happening. It did make me think though. . . . I wonder what my children think that they can get away with when I am not around. I KNOW for a fact that this little boy wouldn't have gone around digging for gold in his nostrils if his mom was there. . . .but it sure did make for one hilarious piano lesson.

Perception

So I was talking to Otto last night about my last post. I asked him if there was anything on there that he didn't know about me. He said that there wasn't. I was a bit surprised because I tried to put some things on there that I haven't really told anyone. So, I went through the list with him and I kept on asking him, "Did you know this? and what about this?" He kept on telling me that he knew that that was the way that I saw myself. For instance with the hoarder tidbit and with the uncoordinated tidbit and the fact that my children can draw better than I can. I didn't think that he would know those things, but he told me that even though he doesn't think that, that he knows that I do think those things about myself.
Okay, so that made me stop and reflect. . . .how do other people see me? And is it so very different from how I see myself? I took one of those fun personality tests on facebook once and it actually said something that kind of struck a chord with me. It told me that people look up to me, but that I come across as someone who is hard to get to know. I come across as standoffish and that I hold people at a distance.
Hmmm, I guess that this is probably true. I am quite sure that I do come across as standoffish because I am actually quite shy. I am not good at small talk, and I am TERRIBLE at starting conversations! I do feel as though I know myself quite well; my strengths as well as my weaknesses, and so I am actually quite a confident person. I know what I can and can't do. I also know that this could come across as standoffish because if I don't think that I can handle something, I say so.
Now, that being said, I am a person who LOVES to help out. If I get invited to a function or a get together, I am WAY more comfortable if I have a job to do. I would rather attend an event and be in charge of the food than just going and having to sit in a room full of people. It always seems interesting to me that if I attend something where I have a job to do I am alot more talkative and outgoing, but if I don't, I sit back and just watch people.
It is interesting that we can perceive people to be different than they actually are. What we see as one character trait could also be explained as being a different one, but we don't see it. Does it mean that we don't take the time to see it or does it mean that the things that we are looking for in others are actually reflections of how we see ourselves? Something to think about isn't it?

Birthday

It was my birthday on May 3rd. I had a wonderful weekend and it was one of the best birthdays ever!! Everyone is teasing me because I will be 30 next year and they think that I am getting old. Some days when all of the kiddies are going crazy, I feel old. But usually I don't think about it at all. I know I am an unusual 29 year old because I have 5 kids, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Because its my 29th birthday, I thought I would post 29 little tidbits about myself that you may or may not know:
1 - My middle name used to be Leigh
2 - I prefer veggies over fruit
3 - I used to think that I would have 6 boys
4 - My favorite colors are green and brown
5 - I LOVE flowers
6 - I love to mow the lawn
7 - I can't seem to keep indoor plants alive
8 - I love to garden
9 - I love newborn babies
10 - I am a sucker for puppies
11 - I only like chocolate if it is high quality chocolate or a kit kat bar
12 - I love to try new foods
13 - I love to cook
14 - I am a HUGE fan of digital scrapbooking
15 - My Grandma is my best friend
16 - I am not very coordinated
17 - I believe that music is incredible powerful. . . for good and bad
18 - My favorite sound in the whole wide world is a child singing
19 - My favorite movie is Cool Runnings
20 - Tardiness really bugs me
21 - I am actually quite shy and I prefer to be the behind the scenes girl
22 - I would rather buy clothes for my kids than myself
23 - I love to read
24 - I prefer baths to showers
25 - I am a hoarder
26 - I love slurpees
27 - My favorite flavor for just about anything is vanilla
28 - My children can draw better than me
29 - I still play the piano for at least 1/2 an hour every day

So there you have it. . . 29 randoms about Megan! I hope you learned something about me that you didn't know!

In Love

Yep, I'm in love. It's true. I am in love with several people actually. It's okay with me if my husband finds out because he is definately one of the people that I am in love with. It's amazing to me that we have been together for 10 years and we are both so happy and we are still in love after having 5 babies and our little angel. It's amazing to me how much I rely on him and how much he does for our family. My siblings seem to think that he is a saint for being able to be married to me, and maybe he is, but I sure do love him.
I am also in love with a beautiful 8 year old girl. As it is getting closer to my own birthday, I have been reflecting on the day when she first came into the world. I was so excited and anxious to have her, and she has blessed my life in so many ways. I love how much she is like me and how well we get along. I love her love for children and her willingness to help out all of the time. I love how she wants to share every little detail of her life with me and I love how she can get along with boys as well as girls.
I love another little girl who is also about to have a birthday. I love how this little girl is so very much a girl and yet is an engineer at the same time. I love how she can be playing barbies or littlest pet shop one minute and then timing herself doing math problems the next minute. I love how beautiful she is on the inside as well as on the outside. I love how she will just come up to me and give me a hug, or tell me that she loves me. I truly love this little princess.
Believe it or not, I am also in love with a monkey. Not just any monkey, but one with blonde hair, blue eyes and is an exact replica of her father. I love how her speech isn't quite perfect, even though I know it is a struggle for her. I LOVE how cheeky she is and how she always tries to get people to laugh. I love how she can play with her sisters, but she is also best friends with her little brother. I love how she tries to be just like me. I love that she loves to cook and that we made Strawberry Shortcake yesterday together and she was sooooo excited!!
Besides Otto, I have two other little men in my life that I am also in love with. The older one is Trouble with a capital T!! I love his beautiful eyes, and his sparkling personality. SOMETIMES I love how he is constantly in motion and how he needs to discover everything about life. I love how he always holds the door open for his mama. I love how much he misses me when I am gone. I love how he is so particular about things. I love how much he loves to count everything and is starting to want to learn letters. I love the fact that I know that he will be smarter than me by the time that he is 5 years old. I just can't help it.
The other little man that I am in love with doesn't really do much right now except squeak. I love that about him. I also love to just sit and cuddle with my little squeaky. I love his crooked smile. I love that he is such a fighter. I love the fact that his hair is so blonde that it looks as though he has no eyelashes, eyebrows or hair! I love how he just lays there completely still when I am talking to him, as though he is absorbing everything I say. I love how wonderful he is and how helpless he is right now.
Last, but definately not least, I am in love with a little girl that I haven't ever really gotten to meet. I love the fact that I am the only one that got to spend time with her while I was pregnant. I love the fact that she has brought Otto and I closer together. I love the fact that she has brought the whole family closer together. I love that I will get to raise her one day. I love to think about my other baby, even though sometimes it hurts so much that I can't stand it. I love to think that she is Lee's little guardian angel and that she has been with him through all of his trials as a baby. I love to see a Robin outside and think that it is my little Robin saying "Hello". I love her even though I only got to see her tiny broken little body. I can't even explain how much I love her.
It is amazing to me that I can be so in love with so many people. It makes me feel blessed that I can have all of these amazing people in my life. I have been having a few tough days because the one year anniversary of the stillborn birth of Robin in coming up on the 15th and it has made me think about her alot. Even though she was born still, she has been a huge blessing in my life and in the life of my family. It is amazing how much love you can feel for the little souls that you bring into the world. I am very humbled and blessed to have them all be a part of my life.