You know the saying "When you assume something you make an ass out of you and me?" What do you think about that? I have been thinking a lot about people judging people lately and it seems as though every time I turn around, I am hearing discussions, lectures and complaints about why this is so wrong. I have made a very conscious effort in my life to try and not judge people, but I know that I am not perfect.
What happens when we "Assume" a person is a certain way because of stereotypes or circumstances? It is really easy to close your mind to the real possibilities of who this person really is. I have two examples, of some circumstances that I have actually learned a great deal from. I wanted to share them with you and hopefully the people that are involved in these circumstances will not be mad that I chose to do so.
#1 - A woman was at a health clinic to weigh her children. She has two boys and the oldest is going to be 2 soon and the youngest is 8 weeks old. While she was there, she was undressing her youngest baby and her older child disappeared. He was trying to escape the clinic. When she went to go get him, he came back kicking and screaming, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. In order to contain her older child, this woman stood him on the counter next to her baby whom she was trying to change. A health nurse came over and asked her to take her older child off of the counter. When this woman explained that it was the only way that she could contain him, the nurse proceeded to tell her that she at least needed to sit him down. When this woman did this, her son reacted by kicking and screaming and so he was put on the ground where he proceeded to run off again. When it was their turn to get weighed, the woman took her older son over to the scale where there was a smiley face on the wall for him to look at. He didn't want to look at the smiley face, but he eventually ended up getting weighed anyways. After the weighing, another little boy who had been sitting very quietly with his family, and seeing what had been going on with this woman went over to the scale to get weighed because it was his turn. Upon seeing this, the woman's older child started pointing at the other little boy and getting upset that he was getting weighed. The woman reassured her son that it was the other boy's turn and she proceeded to dress her baby again. While she was doing this, her older son went over and slapped the other little boy in the face. The parents of the other child grabbed their child and just stared at the woman as she tried to apologize over and over again. She was embarrassed for herself, her children and for what she knew she was being judged for.
What would you have thought? Is she right? Do you think she was being judged? I KNOW she was. I know that 8 years ago when I only had 2 little girls, I probably would have thought she was a terrible mother. Now, however, after having 5 children and a lot more experience, I understand that all children have terrible days where they hit, scream and just have fits in the most inconvienent places. I have learned that no child is bad ALL of the time and when you are out and about with two young children by yourself that you can always use a helping hand. This story reminded me of how much better it is to ask a person if they need help when you see that they have one child who is out of control instead of just ASSUMING that they are a bad parent. I have, in fact, come across very similar situations in the health clinic and I have offered to help out. Even though people don't take you up on your offer because they don't know you, the kids usually calm right down because they are scared of the stranger. It ends up working even without you actually helping out.
#2 - In the church that I belong to, no one is paid to do anything to help run the services, everyone is a volunteer and the Bishop "calls" them and asks them to volunteer for certain things. After a period of time, that person is "released" from what they have been called to do and then called to do something else. These are called "callings" in our church. There is a woman that I know quite well and she has been trying to get another woman who attends church with her called to organize some meetings and social gatherings for the women in her area of the church. She is having a hard time getting this woman called because this second woman is of a race where the stereotype is that they are lazy and unreliable. This woman is actually amazing and quite reliable, but because of the stereotype, there is a lot of hesitation with having her called to do this task because it is quite a large task. This really hit home for me because it has made me wonder if I have ever just "ASSUMED" a person would be a certain way because of their race. Have I ever discredited someone because of the color of their skin or "ASSUMED" that they would act a certain way because of what the stereotype is? It is an interesting thought. I know that I have had to make a conscious effort to erase some stereotypes that I have had in the past and to see people for who they really are! I want my children to grow up in an era where they can see past the color of someone's skin and really see the person for who they truly are! This reason is one of the reasons that my kids attend a spanish school. They are surrounded by amazing latino women and children and they love them. They have no idea that latinos can be judged based on the fact that they are latino.
I hope that my children can grow up to see past the color of someone's skin and not make quick irrational assumptions about people without really knowing them. I hope that my children can grow up in a world that is more understanding and less critical. I hope that they can learn to treat everyone as equals regardless of race, physical appearance, fame or circumstance. I also hope that they can get that same respect in return. I guess I will have to just keep working at it and not just assume that it will happen.
